Insert pun on catastrophic and trophy

Thursday, 11 September 08, 03:39 AM · Comments(0)

A nod first and foremost to the Creative Review blog that fuelled my fire to produce what follows. They being ‘creative’ and kind of ‘designery’ took issue with the current Premiership trophy, especially when comparing it to the previous incarnation. The post was entitled ‘What’s wrong with English football? Just look at the design of the trophy’, and is more than worthy of some Darkside treatment.

The easy answer to the question posed would be that we have to rely on four-year-old gooner to score goals for England… a little bit of sick just crept into my mouth. However, the even easier answer is as Patrick from CR states – look at the fucking trophy.

It’s a piece of shit, look at the old one and you’ll be convinced. Crafted by Vaughtons in 1890 the old trophy that served until 1992 is art and achievement represented in slightly tarnished metallic glory. Marked by dribble, drink and the occasional droppage it symbolises something of grandeur, it has a weight of history that may actually mean something. Whether this transcended to the players that competed for it is another matter, but regardless, that is they way things were.

On the formation of the Premiership, thanks to the ever green shaft-a-thon that is Sky, deep pockets and shallow minds conspired the need for shiny and new. Enter Asprey, designers of the new Barclaycard Premiership Trophy, whoop! Or in Patrick’s word ‘less a football cup than a high piece of concept piece of brand articulation’. Or in my words, the fucking hunk-a-junk we watch brainless imbeciles moronically display unaware of their corporate pawn status. Dick-heads.

Two English lions adorn the handles, the third manifests as the winning captain as he lifts the crock. Did anyone else sigh heavily on the completion of that sentence? The wear-on-your-head-lid… fuck off! And then the punch in the guts, the Colin Hendry elbow that’ll nearly kill a man, the Harald Schumacher broadside that snapped the back of Patrick Battiston, the biggest name on the cup – the fucking sponsor of course! Who the fuck else would we put on it? The winner? Fuck off!

I leave you with a quote from Patrick’s work, he sums it up far better than I and with zero swearing, “The Premier League trophy is tacky, gaudy, cynical, skewed by the demands of the media, tasteless and ridiculous. Just like the English game.”

Insert pun on catastrophic and trophy

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