The Premier League weeps as Charlotte Mears gives up footballers

Tuesday, 07 October 08, 08:10 AM · Comments(0)

'Surely not?' they wailed. 'No, Charlotte, no! Here look at this shiny car/necklace/ring, ' they cried. 'What are my chances of getting anyone half-decent looking?' gnashed the ugly ones (i.e. most of them).

Yes chaps, it appears that squillions of pounds of disposable income, houses the size of hotels and owning more cars than the average Joe has Dinky toys doesn't cut the mustard with the stunners any longer. It's a happy day for the normal men of the country, as Charlotte Mears swears off dating footballers, giving each and every one of us a crack at a mighty fine Piece Of Ass. I mean just look at her...who wouldn't want that hanging off you arm? Well if you're a Rio or a Jermaine, no chance. A Bill or a Frank though (don't get excited Mr. Queudrue) you might be in!

In an interview with The Sun (the source of all our highbrow information) she revealed that she wanted to 'concentrate on her career', which paradoxically until now has consisted solely of shagging footballers. Interesting career move then to eschew them in favour of the 'single life'. First person to say 'Thick blonde bimbo' wins.

And is it me, or has she got a bit of man custard in her belly button in this pic? Really Charlotte, you should clean up before being snapped!