That's because videos like this are created. Never have I seen such a fine sight of large breasted, tiny hotpanted babes flinging themselves about in mud looking finer than FINE...

This gentleman - is the beautiful game.

ENjoy! 

Luton have had a bad lot of it this year… From cock-bag Barwick stealing 30 points from them earlier in the year to more bollocks from the FA, they’ve struggled against all adversity and somehow still (just about) have an (admittedly very outside) chance to stay up, and have made the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy final at Wembley – in what will no doubt be a fitting swansong to the loyal reams of happy Hatters who have stuck by their team throughout.

Gattuso (definately gay - see picture) – personally one of my favourite grizzled old I-Ti generals, and a workhouse to boot. He sticks his head where armoured wild horses fear to tread, and oh so often he does it with passion and (previously) great hair.

And now he’s been ruled out for the rest of the season with a serious knee injury – he has to find something to do, and launching a tongue-lashing towards Sir Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho seems the way forward in the midfield general’s mind.

You see, he has recently claimed that his side AC Milan would have beaten Manchester United in the Champions League had they qualified for the competition this season. “If we had faced Manchester United, we would have won. The Champions League is alw...

Ashley Cole – what will you do next? Good news for Cheryl as her international twat of a boyfriend has struck again... This time being arrested on suspicion of being drunk and disorderly. Err... Suspicion eh – how does that possibly work?

Mr Cole was held after swearing at police officers outside west London's The Collection bar and restaurant, BBC crime reporter Ben Ando said – allegedly after feeling the pressure from the paparazzi, or was it Fiona Phillips to blame, and kicking off thusly. He was taken to a police station and given an £80 fixed pena...

Would you rather have the turgid, lazy David Bentley, or this magnificently energetic dog in your starting X1..? Sorry - had to ask

Love him or hate him, or suggest that he's pretty much the best footballer ever to grace the Premiership - there's no doubt that Cristiano Ronaldo has been known to fling himself to ground a touch easier than many other players in the league.

Or conversely that despite his magnificent talent, he's a whinging little cheating fu*k

I'm saying nothing (ahem) as it's a Friday and I'm too busy preparing for tomorrow's exciting clash with Watford (oh dear)... Here's a video, apparently made by Unknowngenius1985 - that investigates a number of his techniques....

Thought you may want to see it..Oh - and watch out if you have sensitive ears, as the music backing does contain MANY profanities...

It seems that David Beckham’s up for a rollicking, balls out, stiff upper something good time when he finally shifts his tired old legs over to AC Milan – as connexion.org report that there’s a whole lot of prostitution going on in Italian football...

Discussing an article reported in national ‘haterag’, The Daily Mail, they say that a male hooker, who is also a 3^rd division footballer, says other players pay him for sex after games. The prostitute, who prefers to go by the moniker of "Victory" says that the gay sex romps take place in locker rooms, hotels, etc.

Boasting of a big client list that includes a number of Serie A, and even internationally renowned players – he says "we're talking about more than just kissing"! Alledging that a number of the players involved have...

Not only do we at DSOTB get to an awful lot of football matches between us, we're also hungry drunks - and while necking the customary couple of pints at half time, we have been known to indulge in a pie or twain. Therefore, this feature is going to illustrate just how good they are (out of 10) - with a two word, or less, response to the (put on big booming space like voice here) PIES of THE WORLD.

First up Reading at the Majeski Stadium vs. Coventry on Tuesday... and this 'little beauty'

Rating: 3/10 - Response: Tawdry Mess

 If you've eaten a pie (or are heading to a game soon), take a picture - write a 1-2 word review and send us the evidence. You too can be a part of dark side's crusade to find the NATION's BEST PIE (yup...

Anyone got any money on which Premiership Christmas Party is going to lead to most rape allegations this Xmas? We suggest Big Phil Scolari may have some on his own boys, as he’s recently banned the horny pair of Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka from attending Lil’ Wayne/ Akon’s big Christmas party taking place in Christmas week, no doubt ensuring that the boys will be hammering some piece of cheap capital hooker (who are relying on footballers, as the credit crunch is biting hard) come their own party paid for by the big-money boys at Stamford Bridge.

It’s a shame for them, as it sounds like the shindig is going to be big news – with the rappers even importing snow from Greenland to give it a real festive feel. An anonymous source suggested that "The footballers were really up for a big night out but the bosses have said no", ensuring that they won’t be hobnobbing with the likes ...

We know those wags are a nasty bunch... but picking on a widowed ginger lass with buck teeth!

Ok, the wags in question, one Carly Zucker and Nicola, err, something the fuck, maybe didn't actually mean to make her cry and weren't actually picking on her. But that would be boring, right? Well, I only saw literally two minutes and I have to say, these wags are not my type. Even reduced to jungle slacks and so desperate for a champagne and a night at China Whites, to offer them a lemonade in a flute glass and flash a torch behind them would defo result in a blowy I couldn't do it - well maybe if Spurs had lost. Fucking Fulham, fucking Gomes, fucking Gareth Bale and his god damn hair... I'd just got used to winning! See Mr. Hotspur for the deets and a controversial perspective on that clown we currently have employed between...