After DSOTB's recent post about Didier Drogba bought agreement and absolute consternation in equal measure *I'M NOT A MAN UTD FAN OK* - I thought we'd cheer our most vocal opposers with this charming video created by some of those cheeky types at rathergood.com...

Enjoy!

So the biggest unofficial Ronaldo Facebook page has been shut down. Because it was unofficial. Erm...freedom of speech?

Let's set aside the fact that the guy who ran it spent 'six or seven hours' EVERY day updating his page with Ronaldo facts, and really, REALLY should have found something else to do. But everyone's got to have a hobby, right? Some people are chronic masturbators (although to be fair, maybe he dabbled a bit while he 'updated'), others turn to mass murder, but Kunwar Ali devoted his spare time to his hero. Fair play to him. Was he hurting anybody?

So, Kunwar, if you're out there, reading this, get in touch and you can write on Darkside. We'll give you a guest slot, so you can vent all your devotion right here. If anyone can get a message to Kunwar, please do, one of his 3 million fans...

A former hero of mine, and once perhaps the most lauded talismanic talent in the top flight of English Football – precocious Zimbabwean winger Peter Ndlovu has hit a new low this week, fleeing from the law in South Africa after failing to appear in court over a maintenance battle with his ex-wife.

Notorious womaniser Peter had told the court that he was ‘probably’ not the father of singer Sharon Dee’s two sons, and promptly refused to take a paternity test, his lawyer claiming “that the Thanda Zulu Royals player could not afford to pay for them.” A DNA paternity test in South Africa costs about £182 for one child and the alleged father.

Sharon Dee divorced Ndlovu in November las...

That's because videos like this are created. Never have I seen such a fine sight of large breasted, tiny hotpanted babes flinging themselves about in mud looking finer than FINE...

This gentleman - is the beautiful game.

ENjoy! 

It's late. I'm on the Easter Eggs. Man Utd are through and England look like they're conquering Europe again... This is, no doubt, good news - but for anyone sick of Champions League goals (and there have been a few over the last couple of days eh) - why not take a look at this hilarious bit of work from two magnificent UEFA stretcher bearers 'saving' a poor struggling player in his most difficult hour as he writhes helpless on the pitch.

Muppets!

Exactly!

So instead of remaining an anonymous non-League outfit, a few of their players decided to put their club on the map and get themselves embroiled in a little betting scandal. Four players put money on the opposition winning the last game of the season. A Bury player (for that was the opposition) decided to get himself a bit of the action, and put some cash down too.

Yeah whatever, few players bet a few grand. What's more revealing about the whole sorry affair is that while 4 of the chaps were throwing down amounts from £5000- £1000, one of them had a £5 accumulator. Poor fella must have been the boot boy.

More a message about the desperate state of the English non-League situation than anything else really. Carry on lads, your horse will come in one day.

She may have a dubious face and teeth that wouldn’t look out of place in a horse’s mouth – but ‘World class swordsman’ Cristiano Ronaldo’s new girlfriend is undoubtedly fit- as the buxom Brazilian slag, otherwise known as Gabriela, is a gym instructor.

Word is that the liaison has been progressing for nearly a month now, but a report in Spanish paper Sport, however, suggests the relationship will be meeting a swift conclusion, if the wishes of her father Jadson are fulfilled. You see, Gaby’s policeman father has taken exception to the Manchester Utd star, ordering him to “stay her from her and keep your hands off”. No mention of lusty cock th...

On the left, the mother-in-law of Mr JT. In the middle the man himself. On the right, his mother. Now, you tell me which pikey, sour-faced harridan was responsible for the attempted five-fingered discount. I have never, in all my days, seen a woman more likely to try and shove a frozen turkey up her shell suit top. If you ever have the 'pleasure' of taking tea at Chez Terry, I'd decline the chocolate fingers.

So what the hell happened? They were nicked for walking off with 'sports gear' from M&S and Tesco in Weybridge. According to Yahoo, "One said she had no idea why she'd taken sports gear as she didn't even like wearing the stuff. They seemed shaken up." Clearly the mother in law...

The 'controversial' film based loosely around Brian Clough's 44 day tenure as manager of Leeds United is out today, and to celebrate we've got our sweaty mitts on some booty. We have a copy of the book (before the film came the book) and a Damned United branded whistle - yes, a shiny, metal, branded whistle - to give to one of our dedicated readers. All you have to do is leave a comment saying what you would have called a book about Brian Clough's life.

Here's our feeble effort - 'A healthy baby boy, let's call him.....Nigel'

You can surely do better than that! You have a week.

Keep your eyes open for more 'exclusive' stuff coming soon.