What in the name of all that is football is going on here?

Steven Gerrard selling his car on Auto Trader? WTF? Like he needs the money. And why choose a public platform like Auto Trader? Why not take it to a dealer? Or get a mate to sell it? Or sell it to a guy in the Academy? Putting it online though....seriously. I'm disappointed in you Steven, and not just because you're a dirty Scouser who scored against my beloved Man U on Saturday [insert your choice of filthy insult here].

Silly Stevie.

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....he kinda loves his club.

Google Earth has revealed an interesting fact about Neville Mansions, presumably put there as a little joke for when his mates come in and out by helicopter. 

Thing is, although I'm not sure the picture fully corroborates this, the clown has planted it behind a wall! It probably can't be seen by anyone but the aforementioned helicopter guests, the farmer whose field it's in and passing hot air balloon pilots. Maybe it's his senility kicking in (he's way too old to be playing football, yeah right!)

Thanks to Lizzie Smith at the Mail Online for this. Shit paper, great...

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Oh brilliant! Japanese lads wearing binoculars trying to play football... This looks like Far Eastern TV at its ankle snapping, ocular ruining best! Kick off around 30 seconds looks like our very own contributor Tom when he's booting air and landing on his ample ass on the football pitch... Read Post »

Yes Darksiders, another.

AFC Telford's striker Terry 'Caaalm Down' Fearns has been arrested and bailed after a raid on his Sefton (Merseyside) home. That's if you read the Shropshire Star. According to the Southport Visiter, though, he lives in Maghull (Fearns used to play for Southport, and depending on your views of Merseyside, the Sefton/Maghull difference is large- I hate it ALL). Southport fans being hardly bitter at all there.

Watch this space for more, he'll probably end up some bodybuilder's bitch with an arsehole like a wellington boot within the month.

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....right into a disabled parking spot. What a fucking clown. As much as I admire his footballing skills (yes he dives occasionally, but he gets kicked all over every pitch he plays on), I simply cannot condone the arse-laziness and plain rudeness of parking in a disabled parking spot.

All so he could go for lunch. In January he got a £70 ticket for parking in a bus stop to go to the same Italian restaurant. Maybe Macclesfield council should have a sliding scale for these things. He sure as shit wouldn't park there if he got fined £7000. Or maybe he would...

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Another day another race row – and this time it’s ex-pride of the Bridge and notorious tinkerman Claudio Ranieri who has found himself in a big pot of hot Chinese soup – after brandishing referee Paolo Tagliavento "Chinese" – after he was accused being too strict on his side in their recent 2-1 reverse at the hands of Lazio in the Coppa Italia.

"I did not like the entire direction of the match. I found the official was tough with us, on the field it seemed as if he was Chinese, as it was always yellow cards with us," he told Rai rag – which prompted a backlash in the Far East with the nations biggest paper Titan, demanding an apology.

Ranieri remains defiant though, explaining himself by stating "against Lazio, the referee changed and blew his whistle for all fouls and gave yellow cards. So I said he was like a Chinese referee. ...

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Ashley Cole – what will you do next? Good news for Cheryl as her international twat of a boyfriend has struck again... This time being arrested on suspicion of being drunk and disorderly. Err... Suspicion eh – how does that possibly work?

Mr Cole was held after swearing at police officers outside west London's The Collection bar and restaurant, BBC crime reporter Ben Ando said – allegedly after feeling the pressure from the paparazzi, or was it Fiona Phillips to blame, and kicking off thusly. He was taken to a police station and given an £80 fixed pena...

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Rumours abound over in Deutschland that former national coach Michael Skibbe is being blackmailed over some photos on a stolen mobile that involve him, his missus and a game of Hunt the Bratwurst.

Reported on the Bild site, Skibbe had his phone nicked along with a sat nav and 6 tickets for Bayer Leverkusen v. Besiktas* from his motor (predictably a Merc). A policewoman then contacted Skibbe demanding 160,000Euros in return for the phone. The sting that Skibbe planned went wrong when the package with the money probably because 'The suspects probably noticed a police car nearby' (no inside knowledge there then). With planning like that, is it any wonder they lost two World Wars?

Anyway, the blackmailers were...

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OK, prepare yourselves for United-fuelled rant (after giving you all a good 24 hours to have a proper go at the Champions of the Planet).

The Fat Spanish Waiter has finally lost it, blaming Liverpool's lack of success against Middlesbrough firmly on the fact that Torres wasn't playing. Well, Rafa, one player does not a team make, and if you want to rely on one (admittedly extremely gifted) effeminate Spaniard so be it. You see most successful European teams have s-q-u-a-d-s of players they can draw on when their main guys are injured/tired/emotional. Blaming an entire season's downfall on one dodgy ankle.

Well, when in Liverpool, act Scouse, I suppose. *Nothing* is *ever* the fault of *anyone* in Lesser Liverpool. Tripped and fallen when out of your skull on stolen alcopops? Go back...

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A fool and his Ferrari are soon parted – especially up north, so Gary O ‘Neil (the simpleton dickead - pictured below) found out after he left his keys in the ignition at a petrol station. The 25-year-old midfielder, no doubt more interested in working out ways to spend his £25,000 a week wages rather than keep hold of what he’s previously spent them on, saw his £150,000 F340 Spider F1 driven off as he paid for fuel.

God how I would have laughed if I’d been there!

Sadly though, a tracker in Gary’s 200mph car let police pick up its trail in York soon after it was taken on Monday, meaning that the blushing ‘Boro chump was able to be reunited with his motor in hours of it being stolen – with the...

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