First up, apologies for being AWOL for so long. You know how it is, things happen, blogs get forgotten, deal with it.

Couple of things came to our attention recently, including Mr. Ribena-ho of 33 Acacia Avenue, Sao Paulo. Not content with throwing his toys from the pram when his best mate PooPoo wasn't signed at Maine Road (which may or may not have manifested itself with him flying to Brazil from Tenerife for a couple of days), he's gone and done the classic.

'Serious sexual assault' is now the charge. And why (WHY??) does it ALWAYS happen in Leeds. Yes they have a different class of lady, and yes they have some...

Under Paul Ince, Blackburn have managed only 3 wins from 17 Premiership games and the club are in big trouble lying second bottom in the table. Their last

Love him or hate him, or suggest that he's pretty much the best footballer ever to grace the Premiership - there's no doubt that Cristiano Ronaldo has been known to fling himself to ground a touch easier than many other players in the league.

Or conversely that despite his magnificent talent, he's a whinging little cheating fu*k

I'm saying nothing (ahem) as it's a Friday and I'm too busy preparing for tomorrow's exciting clash with Watford (oh dear)... Here's a video, apparently made by Unknowngenius1985 - that investigates a number of his techniques....

Thought you may want to see it..Oh - and watch out if you have sensitive ears, as the music backing does contain MANY profanities...

It seems that David Beckham’s up for a rollicking, balls out, stiff upper something good time when he finally shifts his tired old legs over to AC Milan – as connexion.org report that there’s a whole lot of prostitution going on in Italian football...

Discussing an article reported in national ‘haterag’, The Daily Mail, they say that a male hooker, who is also a 3^rd division footballer, says other players pay him for sex after games. The prostitute, who prefers to go by the moniker of "Victory" says that the gay sex romps take place in locker rooms, hotels, etc.

Boasting of a big client list that includes a number of Serie A, and even internationally renowned players – he says "we're talking about more than just kissing"! Alledging that a number of the players involved have...

So what's eating Roy Keane? Did he walk because he couldn't take the pressure of Premiership management? Unlikely, he dealt with some pretty intense pressure as a player at Forest and United, and (apart from the Haaland incident) didn't boil over too often. If you don't count every other game as too often.

Is it because he doesn't like losing, and like some 8 year old kid who didn't win at Hungry Hippos has upended the board, sent all the little balls flying, and has stomped off to his room to sulk? He could still be there, sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. Maybe his wife has sent him there and told him to 'Think about what he's done'.

Or, maybe he's just a very challenged individual who, for whatever internal reasons he has, just walked away. Maybe he has inner demons that told him it was time to go. We'll never know...until his next book.

What do you think? 

Not only do we at DSOTB get to an awful lot of football matches between us, we're also hungry drunks - and while necking the customary couple of pints at half time, we have been known to indulge in a pie or twain. Therefore, this feature is going to illustrate just how good they are (out of 10) - with a two word, or less, response to the (put on big booming space like voice here) PIES of THE WORLD.

First up Reading at the Majeski Stadium vs. Coventry on Tuesday... and this 'little beauty'

Rating: 3/10 - Response: Tawdry Mess

 If you've eaten a pie (or are heading to a game soon), take a picture - write a 1-2 word review and send us the evidence. You too can be a part of dark side's crusade to find the NATION's BEST PIE (yup...

Anyone got any money on which Premiership Christmas Party is going to lead to most rape allegations this Xmas? We suggest Big Phil Scolari may have some on his own boys, as he’s recently banned the horny pair of Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka from attending Lil’ Wayne/ Akon’s big Christmas party taking place in Christmas week, no doubt ensuring that the boys will be hammering some piece of cheap capital hooker (who are relying on footballers, as the credit crunch is biting hard) come their own party paid for by the big-money boys at Stamford Bridge.

It’s a shame for them, as it sounds like the shindig is going to be big news – with the rappers even importing snow from Greenland to give it a real festive feel. An anonymous source suggested that "The footballers were really up for a big night out but the bosses have said no", ensuring that they won’t be hobnobbing with the likes ...

Continuing in our 100% individual, never been done before (ahem) - yet still uproariously funny football look-a-likes section, has anyone ever noted how much Tony Adams looks like (aka could be the brother of) this beaky fucker who I'm reliably informed is named 'Sam the Eagle' from the Muppets.

Oh - you have? Fair enough...

Kevin Kyle – he of the scaldin' balls, dubious disciplinary record and unenviable strike record (26 goals in 177 games) has received a big ol’ two-fingered salute from Coventry City fans – who this week hijacked an online Hartlepool poll, and really made their thoughts on the big bundle of Scottish sinew (sensationally pictured below in the run-up to that infamous shitty shorts incident) known.

Vital Hartlepool (two words that I never thought would be used in conjunction with each other… Ever) asked whether “Pools should try to extend the loan deal for Kevin Kyle” – a question that received a lukewarm response, with ‘Only if the price is right’ taking a big lead amongst t...

I'm inclined to agree... ;-)