Fuck, England are shit... I mean, they shouldn't be, but are.

Nevertheless, a change to 4-4-2 and everything falls into place, why we fiddle about with anything other than this is a mystery beyond even the pesky kids who hang about with Scooby-Doo. But, let it be said, even when stuck in the quagmire of faffing about in the middle of the park with the urgency of a tramp seeking a shower little Theo shone. 

It pains me to say it (Spurs fan) and to be perfectly honest, the guy looked like he couldn't finish his dinner, he was the only man throughout the horror show of indifference that was the first half who played with a swagger. You see it's one thing to respect your opponents, it's a whole other thing to let them make you look like cluesless twats. It's Kazakhstan boys, fucking pile over them, tread them into the fucking turf, they ain't good enough to be on the same fucking pitch. Be arrogant, be pacey,...

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'Surely not?' they wailed. 'No, Charlotte, no! Here look at this shiny car/necklace/ring, ' they cried. 'What are my chances of getting anyone half-decent looking?' gnashed the ugly ones (i.e. most of them).

Yes chaps, it appears that squillions of pounds of disposable income, houses the size of hotels and owning more cars than the average Joe has Dinky toys doesn't cut the mustard with the stunners any longer. It's a happy day for the normal men of the country, as Charlotte Mears swears off dating footballers, giving each and every one of us a crack at a mighty fine Piece Of Ass. I mean just look at her...who wouldn't want that hanging off you arm? Well if you're a Rio or a Jermaine, no chance. A Bill or a Frank though (don't get excited Mr. Queudrue) you might be in!

In...

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Well it's been a while since...oh hang on, no it's not. Oh well, with nothing going on in the world of footy, except Man City (the richest club in the world) being dumped out of the Carling Cup by the mighty Brighton on pens last night, just thought it would be a good time to catch up with our WAGs.

First up is Abbey Clancey who is set to become the face body of Matalan's value for money bras and pants. It's like she's taken one look at Danielle Bux and signed the first contract that was waved under her nose. Those knickers. Just look...

 

Nice body though. And thanks to the dudes at

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....for burglary. I know what you were thinking though.

Kim Lewis/Mohamed/whatever, 48, mother to the 28 year old *hottie* that is Danielle was arrested and released on bail with a male pal for allegedly burgling the home of her ex-husband, the future Mrs. Lineker's Dad. Confused? Who cares? You get to see a pic of a babe in her knickers in a minute, so read on.

It just seems hilarious to us here at DSOTB that El Jugeario (as he was known when he played for Barcelona), or Rinika-sahn (which is what they called him at Grampas 8), or plain old Wing Nut (see Leicester City and Spurs ex-players for confirmation), is marrying a chick whose Mum is only one year older than him. If ever there was a sign that your bird is a bit young, it's settling down to watch Antiques Roadshow...

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…according to this story in the News Of The World anyway. She charges 2 grand a night, or £460 for an hour’s quickie. So by our reckoning, we only need to scrape together 77 quid and we could have a go on her. Twice.

And judging by the pics below, it doesn’t take much to get her in her skimpies. She was trying to tempt the undercover reporter into getting it on with her and a fellow ‘professional’, and (like a massive dick fool idiot imbecile) he declined. He also turned down her very kind offer of some Grade A nose candy too. Talk about missing an opportunity*!

So the Winking One will have some hard thinking to do now that a national tabloid has exposed his belo...

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Cheryl Cole appeared at London Fashion Week strutting her stuff on the catwalk last week. And managed to cause a ruckus. It seems that the boyfriend of one Cameron Diaz took a shine to the former Ms. Tweedy and is now following her round like a puppy dog, tongue out, eyes wide. Dick.

There's at least two sources (here and here) that reckon one Paul Sculfor (beau of the aforementioned Ms. Diaz) has been traipsing round like a lovesick teenager after the Geordie bint, as has another model David Gandy. But what do the fellas do if the bird they're chasing is terminally attracted to the massive, massive twat that is Ashley Cole? Well...I...

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Just when you thought life was all about Carly Zucker and her massive hair, and the walking soap opera that is Cheryl Cole, I bring you two fresh pin up girls for you to, erm, study furiously.

First up is the delectable Giselle Santa Cruz, arm candy of Blackburn's Mr. Roque. Talk about the girl next door Thanks to The Offside for the heads up.

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Our new friends at Asylum (well they will be if they keep bringing us stories like this), have lightened my day considerably with the fact that the Dutch FA - in their infinite wisdom stupidity - have banned an amateur ladies' team from playing in short skirts instead of shorts. Now I urge you to take one look at the picture below and tell me that bloke's shorts are sexier.

 

See? You can't. FC de Rakt ladies, we applaud you.

Dutch FA - you're all clowns.

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Not an excuse to post severla pics of our most famous celebrity wives, honest. This is one for the gossip-hounds amongst you.

First up is Joe Cole's bit of fluff Carly Zucker who spotted a passing bandwagon and leapt on it feet first (again), this time in an attempt to get people fit for the Sweat in the City campaign (see what they did with the name there? Hope they're proud of themselves). Anyway, the excuse to get in front of the cameras in tight-fitting bottoms was one not to be passed up by the publicity-hungry Zucker, and the results are there for all to see. Didn't manage to sort out her massive bouffon though, did they?

Next in our...

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Not only does this ballbag throw himself all over the pitch like a cock, he throws his cock into everything with a pulse. What a turd.

Why, when he's married to Cheryl (one fifth of a great wetdream) Tweedy? Only a complete mental would cheat so much on and off the pitch. Ashley Cole is what is wrong with English Football. In fact - Ashley Cole is what's wrong with England. I'd go so far as to say that he is solely responsible for the downfall of modern society and the uprise of the youth gang gun and knife culture that is becoming the ruination of our once great Britain. Well, him and George W Bush. Because cowards who dive on the floor every time a defender comes near will probably be the sort of coward who will stab you instead of having a proper fight. Everyone who has a knife - you're a manifestation of an Ashley Cole-induced cultural meltdown brought on by diving on the field and using words like 'Blinging' and 'LOL' - in other words -...Read Post »