We love The Spoiler, because they encompass everything that is Darkside without being as good as us.

Not earning enough from her career at FC Nuremberg a few years ago, Eva Roob thought 'Fuck it' changed her name to Samira Summer and now earns her green....well, fucking it. For she has turned to the world of hard core pornography, and by all accounts isn't half bad at what she does. Naturally we can't show any of her 'work' here on DSOTB (you can always check out this vid if you want), but a few snaps of her won't go amiss, so feast your eyes on the norks below.

You heard me right. Far from trying to emulate his fellow South American counterparts in some exotic bedroom gymnastics (Cristiano Ronaldo bedding numerous birds in a week, and Fat Ronaldo's 'shit-they're-blokes!' episodes spring to mind), that bloke whose name sounds like a French kid needing a shit has announced that everyone should wait until their wedding night before scoring the ultimate goal.

Yes Darksiders, a Brazilian footballer in 'No sex' shocker, well, at least until he'd married his sweetheart, and according to a quote on Goal.com, it was all the sweeter for it. This guy obviously has jelly for brains, because it's plain to see that whilst she had...

Ready for a two-pronged attack on our favourite Girl Aloud? Cover your ears Number8, you're not going to like this (our very own Number8 recently attended a GA gig at Warwick Castle...did I say that out loud? Ooops!).

Prong one - Our Cheryl initially was of excatly the same mindset as 99% of the country in that when she first met him, she thought Ashley Cole was a wanker. Well done, Cheryl. He heckled her at a house party, presumably in his attempts to woo her, by conjuring up such witticisms and bons mots as 'Nice bum' and 'Hey, hot lips'. Oscar Wilde was predictably NOT turning in his grave. She told him to piss off, but on further consultation with a psychic - I'll say that again for those who may have missed it....a PSYCHIC - she was told to pursue a relationship with the jug-eared, whingeing, cheating (in more than one sense of the...

OK, so now you can go and bore the fucking pants off your mates down the pub, cos if you hadn't worked these out for yourself yet (and frankly, if you haven't you're some sort of 'tard) we'll give you the answers just in time for your Friday night session.

1. Four Englishmen currently playing in the Premier League have been transferred for at least £7m, but have not (to date) played for England's senior side. Name them.

Kevin Davies - Southampton to Blackburn £7.5m

Nigel Reo-Coker - West Ham to Villa £8.5m

James Milner - Newcastle to Villa £12m

Anton Ferdinand - West Ham to Sunderland £8m

2. Who are the two Englands players since 1995 whose surnames begin and end with the same letter?

Paul Scholes

John Scales

3. Name 3 England players since 1990 with an X in their...

OK, so he may have proven an absolute crock at Spurs so far, leading pretty much the least effective strike-force in the Premier League thus far, but at least he has his mind fully on the job…

Or not as it seems, and this news from tribalfootball.com may well piss a lot of Spurs fans right of!

You see, not content with slumming around London earning £XX,000 to do a job that would get a lot of us sacked, Pavlyuchenko has recently been voted in as a deputy for Vladimir Putin's United Russia party. “Pav won a seat on the regional council in his home town of Stavropol, claiming 63 per cent of the vote.”

As well as heartily angering a number of North Londoners, who would probably rather Roman had his mind firmly on sticking the ball in the onion-bag rather than wanking about promo...

Yes you, you lazy git! And the challenge is simple. Find us a player from any league who has a more ridiculous middle name than Kevin Cyril Davies.

You think that was easy? Try these out for size. Found whilst browsing the programme from the England game yesterday (thanks again Dot2Dot, your leather-clad, airplane-like chauffered minibus saved me having to mix with the proles on public transport) these are 5 of the hardest posers I've ever come across (except number 4, I got that before I'd finished reading the question). Get your mates in on this, you'll need them.

1. Four Englishmen currently playing in the Premier League have been transferred for at least £7m, but have not (to date) played for England's senior side. Name them.

2. Who are the two Englands players since 1995 whose surnames begin and end with the same letter?

...

…according to this story in the News Of The World anyway. She charges 2 grand a night, or £460 for an hour’s quickie. So by our reckoning, we only need to scrape together 77 quid and we could have a go on her. Twice.

And judging by the pics below, it doesn’t take much to get her in her skimpies. She was trying to tempt the undercover reporter into getting it on with her and a fellow ‘professional’, and (like a massive dick fool idiot imbecile) he declined. He also turned down her very kind offer of some Grade A nose candy too. Talk about missing an opportunity*!

So the Winking One will have some hard thinking to do now that a national tabloid has exposed his belo...

Cheryl Cole appeared at London Fashion Week strutting her stuff on the catwalk last week. And managed to cause a ruckus. It seems that the boyfriend of one Cameron Diaz took a shine to the former Ms. Tweedy and is now following her round like a puppy dog, tongue out, eyes wide. Dick.

There's at least two sources (here and here) that reckon one Paul Sculfor (beau of the aforementioned Ms. Diaz) has been traipsing round like a lovesick teenager after the Geordie bint, as has another model David Gandy. But what do the fellas do if the bird they're chasing is terminally attracted to the massive, massive twat that is Ashley Cole? Well...I...