Ashley Cole – what will you do next? Good news for Cheryl as her international twat of a boyfriend has struck again... This time being arrested on suspicion of being drunk and disorderly. Err... Suspicion eh – how does that possibly work?

Mr Cole was held after swearing at police officers outside west London's The Collection bar and restaurant, BBC crime reporter Ben Ando said – allegedly after feeling the pressure from the paparazzi, or was it Fiona Phillips to blame, and kicking off thusly. He was taken to a police station and given an £80 fixed pena...

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Enuff said.

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Get to the back of the queue, sunshine.

Serial home wrecker and recently 'enhanced' Loos has emerged as saying that our Cheryl, darling of the X Factor (whatever that is), is the 'most beautiful woman alive'. Thanks to the (possibly lady)boys at Thaindian news for that one.

Not content with nearly wrecking the marriage of David and Victoria (hallowed be thy names), she is now busting the moves on another married person. MUch as I'd like to see Cashley get his overpaid, smug, pig-ugly face pushed in it, and whilst the thought of Rebecca and Cheryl up a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G will 'entertain' me for 10 minutes later, this behavious really isn't on.

She has blatantly picked the hottest talent on the scene right now (it could as easily have...

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Ready for a two-pronged attack on our favourite Girl Aloud? Cover your ears Number8, you're not going to like this (our very own Number8 recently attended a GA gig at Warwick Castle...did I say that out loud? Ooops!).

Prong one - Our Cheryl initially was of excatly the same mindset as 99% of the country in that when she first met him, she thought Ashley Cole was a wanker. Well done, Cheryl. He heckled her at a house party, presumably in his attempts to woo her, by conjuring up such witticisms and bons mots as 'Nice bum' and 'Hey, hot lips'. Oscar Wilde was predictably NOT turning in his grave. She told him to piss off, but on further consultation with a psychic - I'll say that again for those who may have missed it....a PSYCHIC - she was told to pursue a relationship with the jug-eared, whingeing, cheating (in more than one sense of the...

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Fuck, England are shit... I mean, they shouldn't be, but are.

Nevertheless, a change to 4-4-2 and everything falls into place, why we fiddle about with anything other than this is a mystery beyond even the pesky kids who hang about with Scooby-Doo. But, let it be said, even when stuck in the quagmire of faffing about in the middle of the park with the urgency of a tramp seeking a shower little Theo shone. 

It pains me to say it (Spurs fan) and to be perfectly honest, the guy looked like he couldn't finish his dinner, he was the only man throughout the horror show of indifference that was the first half who played with a swagger. You see it's one thing to respect your opponents, it's a whole other thing to let them make you look like cluesless twats. It's Kazakhstan boys, fucking pile over them, tread them into the fucking turf, they ain't good enough to be on the same fucking pitch. Be arrogant, be pacey,...

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...and it might have been 4-2, if Wayne had put his nut on that OG.

Anyway, some thoughts from Wem-ber-ley. Frank Lampard isn't actually fat. Shocking I know. Shaun Wright-Phillips (anyone found calling him SWP should be summarily shot in the nuts/boobs) IS small. Amazingly so. He is a tiny man. David James clearly spent some of the match thinking about his next hairstyle, usually when the ball was in his area. 

So the nice chaps from Dot2Dot took us there in some style (think leather seats, WiFi [allegedly] and a chatty driver who knew a bit about football) and it was all very nice, especially sitting in the traffic on the way out through the industrial estate. The first half was utter drivel and shall be wiped forever more from my memory. Picked up a bit in the 2nd, couple of goals, a gaffe from 'Gash'ley Cole (which earned him boos from the majority of...

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Cheryl Cole appeared at London Fashion Week strutting her stuff on the catwalk last week. And managed to cause a ruckus. It seems that the boyfriend of one Cameron Diaz took a shine to the former Ms. Tweedy and is now following her round like a puppy dog, tongue out, eyes wide. Dick.

There's at least two sources (here and here) that reckon one Paul Sculfor (beau of the aforementioned Ms. Diaz) has been traipsing round like a lovesick teenager after the Geordie bint, as has another model David Gandy. But what do the fellas do if the bird they're chasing is terminally attracted to the massive, massive twat that is Ashley Cole? Well...I...

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Not only does this ballbag throw himself all over the pitch like a cock, he throws his cock into everything with a pulse. What a turd.

Why, when he's married to Cheryl (one fifth of a great wetdream) Tweedy? Only a complete mental would cheat so much on and off the pitch. Ashley Cole is what is wrong with English Football. In fact - Ashley Cole is what's wrong with England. I'd go so far as to say that he is solely responsible for the downfall of modern society and the uprise of the youth gang gun and knife culture that is becoming the ruination of our once great Britain. Well, him and George W Bush. Because cowards who dive on the floor every time a defender comes near will probably be the sort of coward who will stab you instead of having a proper fight. Everyone who has a knife - you're a manifestation of an Ashley Cole-induced cultural meltdown brought on by diving on the field and using words like 'Blinging' and 'LOL' - in other words -...Read Post »