Ouch – Our Alex Ferguson is going to be livid, for in news that is likely to delight koppites across the globe, it seems that strike sensation Carlos Tevez wants to join Manchester United’s fiercest rivals Liverpool. Ouch!

It appears that the cheeky scousers have contacted Tevez’s owner Kia Joorabchian to register their interest and the Argentine is keen on the move – and with the dour scot looking unlikely to stump up the required 26 mill to keep him – moomin-faced Rafa could be locking down the Argentinean goods.

It will enable Tevez, 25, to continue living in Cheshire where his family are settled. He is not concerned by any animosity the move might cause –lets be fair, the atmosphere at United games is famously tawdry of late- as he has already stated his desire to stay, and ...

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Unlike me old mucker JakkyBarbituates who claimed in the last article that he is in no way a Man U fan, I - TheManc - most definitely am. And to redress the balance in the slurring of my soon to be double-winning heroes, here's something from the warm up against some poor saps we trounced.

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She may have a dubious face and teeth that wouldn’t look out of place in a horse’s mouth – but ‘World class swordsman’ Cristiano Ronaldo’s new girlfriend is undoubtedly fit- as the buxom Brazilian slag, otherwise known as Gabriela, is a gym instructor.

Word is that the liaison has been progressing for nearly a month now, but a report in Spanish paper Sport, however, suggests the relationship will be meeting a swift conclusion, if the wishes of her father Jadson are fulfilled. You see, Gaby’s policeman father has taken exception to the Manchester Utd star, ordering him to “stay her from her and keep your hands off”. No mention of lusty cock th...

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Courtesy of studs up, and a dedication to all those Man Utd. fans and the brash "I think we're going to win 5 trophies" comments that have been dancing across their lips... Are you still going to win it boys? Oooh - not so sure now...

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Here’s a long post about the Spice Boys of music… I can’t be bothered to read it all, let along write about it – but what I did note was the mention of Carlos Tevez, who has been supplementing his magnificent footballing career with a rather impressive bash at hip hop… And by fuck is it terrible… Step forward Piola Vago.

Mercifully sparing his teammates the pain of listening to his out of tune ramblings “

Here it's all hip-hop, all in English, so they don't understand a thing. They want to hear it, they ask me, but I say no to them. If they don't understand, what's the point of making them listen to it?" Tevez told The Times of his former West Ham team mates... Unfortunately you darksiders aren’t so lucky…Follow this link I command you!

Mind numbing isn’t it – and...

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....he kinda loves his club.

Google Earth has revealed an interesting fact about Neville Mansions, presumably put there as a little joke for when his mates come in and out by helicopter. 

Thing is, although I'm not sure the picture fully corroborates this, the clown has planted it behind a wall! It probably can't be seen by anyone but the aforementioned helicopter guests, the farmer whose field it's in and passing hot air balloon pilots. Maybe it's his senility kicking in (he's way too old to be playing football, yeah right!)

Thanks to Lizzie Smith at the Mail Online for this. Shit paper, great...

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So, humbled (kind of) by Manchester United last night, thanks to a wayward Patrick Viera - some may say woeful defending, who am I to judge? - Jose Mourinho may have disgraced himself by punching a fan in the face last night.

Following reports from a fan saying he'd been punched by Mourinho as the stroppy manager boarded the team bus at Old Trafford, Jose now finds himself at the centre of an 'assault probe'. Brilliant. Couldn't happen to a more arrogant self-important nicer chap.

Back to the game, and admittedly if the world had shifted 3 inches to the left things would have been very different last night. Good work by the ground staff putting the extra layers of paint on the woodwork (when was the last time goalposts were made of wood?). Whatever happened, it...

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He may be years gone from English football, but the charismatic Jose Mourinho is never far from the headlines, and has sensationally labelled former club Chelsea ‘an embarrassment’ as Manchester United pirouette unopposed to the title, in what’s turning out to be a bit of a damp squib of a title race.

Mourinho was speaking ahead of his Inter side’s Champions League visit to Old Trafford, where the Italian champions will hope to capitalise on a 0-0 draw in The San Siro to progress to the quarter finals. Adamant that United are not as good as people make out, the self-styled Portuguese hero says that despite their seven-point lead in the league, that he “would not allow a team of [his] to be so far behind. It is embarrassing in early March.”

“Yes Manchester United a...

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This has been bothering me for a while now, and it finally came to me overnight. Michael Carrick, excellent passer of a ball, occasional wonder-striker of 25 yard screamers, IS a Flump.

Remember the 80s stop motion kids TV show about a group of those bobble-hatted freak jobs? If not, check them out here. Well, whether it be Pootle, Perkin or Posie, Carrick is one.

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....right into a disabled parking spot. What a fucking clown. As much as I admire his footballing skills (yes he dives occasionally, but he gets kicked all over every pitch he plays on), I simply cannot condone the arse-laziness and plain rudeness of parking in a disabled parking spot.

All so he could go for lunch. In January he got a £70 ticket for parking in a bus stop to go to the same Italian restaurant. Maybe Macclesfield council should have a sliding scale for these things. He sure as shit wouldn't park there if he got fined £7000. Or maybe he would...

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