Ouch – Our Alex Ferguson is going to be livid, for in news that is likely to delight koppites across the globe, it seems that strike sensation Carlos Tevez wants to join Manchester United’s fiercest rivals Liverpool. Ouch!

It appears that the cheeky scousers have contacted Tevez’s owner Kia Joorabchian to register their interest and the Argentine is keen on the move – and with the dour scot looking unlikely to stump up the required 26 mill to keep him – moomin-faced Rafa could be locking down the Argentinean goods.

It will enable Tevez, 25, to continue living in Cheshire where his family are settled. He is not concerned by any animosity the move might cause –lets be fair, the atmosphere at United games is famously tawdry of late- as he has already stated his desire to stay, and ...

Courtesy of studs up, and a dedication to all those Man Utd. fans and the brash "I think we're going to win 5 trophies" comments that have been dancing across their lips... Are you still going to win it boys? Oooh - not so sure now...

What in the name of all that is football is going on here?

Steven Gerrard selling his car on Auto Trader? WTF? Like he needs the money. And why choose a public platform like Auto Trader? Why not take it to a dealer? Or get a mate to sell it? Or sell it to a guy in the Academy? Putting it online though....seriously. I'm disappointed in you Steven, and not just because you're a dirty Scouser who scored against my beloved Man U on Saturday [insert your choice of filthy insult here].

Silly Stevie.

They were the only 3 players on the pitch tonight, weren't they?

Originally this post was going to be about a ref who had decided the result in the first 15 minutes and was doing all he could to see it happened.

plus = handball.

*NOT* the very top of a bloke's shoulder. FIFA ref, my arse.

We all know that every neutron of my body oozes hate for the Red half of Liverpool, but even I have to give them some begrudging respect for the display they put on against Real Madrid tonight. The Spanish team looked like they'd shown up with a Cub Scout Under-11 team. Then you look at the names: Raul, Heinze, Sneijder, Cannavarro,...

He may be years gone from English football, but the charismatic Jose Mourinho is never far from the headlines, and has sensationally labelled former club Chelsea ‘an embarrassment’ as Manchester United pirouette unopposed to the title, in what’s turning out to be a bit of a damp squib of a title race.

Mourinho was speaking ahead of his Inter side’s Champions League visit to Old Trafford, where the Italian champions will hope to capitalise on a 0-0 draw in The San Siro to progress to the quarter finals. Adamant that United are not as good as people make out, the self-styled Portuguese hero says that despite their seven-point lead in the league, that he “would not allow a team of [his] to be so far behind. It is embarrassing in early March.”

“Yes Manchester United a...

OK, prepare yourselves for United-fuelled rant (after giving you all a good 24 hours to have a proper go at the Champions of the Planet).

The Fat Spanish Waiter has finally lost it, blaming Liverpool's lack of success against Middlesbrough firmly on the fact that Torres wasn't playing. Well, Rafa, one player does not a team make, and if you want to rely on one (admittedly extremely gifted) effeminate Spaniard so be it. You see most successful European teams have s-q-u-a-d-s of players they can draw on when their main guys are injured/tired/emotional. Blaming an entire season's downfall on one dodgy ankle.

Well, when in Liverpool, act Scouse, I suppose. *Nothing* is *ever* the fault of *anyone* in Lesser Liverpool. Tripped and fallen when out of your skull on stolen alcopops? Go back...

Like son like father it would seem. I knew he was from bad stock the moment I saw him. It's the eyes. Jermaine Pennant has 'dead' eyes, ones that could stare at a copper and plead total innocence, despite the evidence wrapped round a tree down the road.

And now it comes as no surprise whatsoever that Mr. Gary Pennant is set for jail. Exposed earlier this year by The Sun as a drug dealer peddling crack and heroine, and he's set for a custodial sentence after pleading guilty last week at Nottingham Crown Court. That'll make two of them who have stayed at Her Majesty's hotels, they should be getting a family discount. I bet Granny Pennant is proud.

Will Jermaine get to swipe his...

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder - well so is talent, and deep in the cavernous dark pupils of mine, Darren Farley appears (video below), heralded as a bloody genius! Matching stride for stride the leg work that any of these boys give on the pitch week in, week out - take a look at this video to see the formidable scouse lad doing impressions of all sorts of stars who grace (and have graced) Anfield over the last few years.

Personally, I think his pastiche of Jamie Carragher is absolutely the best, although he has Michael Owen's massively bland monotone down to an absolute tea! 

If DSOTB had enough money for a Christmas Party, fuck it - we'd book this lad! And I imagine you'd all be there.

I've learnt some things in the last few days... One is that (and spare me with your 'wait to see what's coming' optimists) England are never going to win a fuckin' major trophy as long as I live, second is that the standard of the bloggers on OleOle is bloody magnificent, and third is that my pessimism for the English game seems to be shared by a number of them. Now I know this blog is all about the naughtiest bits of football - and it is... Just look at the tits on Gary Linekar's missus below (ouch), but we are going to cover more serious issues in the sport too. Namely when the clowns at the FA fuck up and say... Hire Steve McLaren or dock Luton 30 points...

This time though, it's the state of the British game as a whole that is concerning me, and notably the inflation of ticket prices, wages in the game and the loss of football to the common ma...

Once a DSOTB regular, always a DSOTB regular so said the archivists of our fine blog way back in err… July ’08 – but today’s actions from old Donaldhino (Don Hutchinson to the uninitiated) have proven this naïve calculation wrong, wrong, wrong. For today the chicken-haired old Scottish warhorse has set a real example to all other footballers of his (and the next six or seven) generations after him, has put up a generous injection of cash to Luton Down [ooh, catty] FC, by turning down his final pay packet after being released by the hatters, and offering to sponsor two promising youth players, Scott Sinclair and Jake Howells, for the entire season instead. What a legend!