Whether he's ready or not, capable or not, willing or not, the powers that be at St. James' Park today decreed in the best April Fool of the day to install Alan Shearer as manager until the end of the season.

I rejoice. For two reasons. Reason One - after a brief uplift in performance (maybe one match) they will slump to relegation, wiping that grin off the smug bastard's phizzog. Reason Two - Match Of The Day will once again become bearable and I will no longer have to see the crotch of his too-tight pants as he sits impossibly open legged next to Original Alan or Mark.

Oh. I thought of a Reason Three. All those shirtless Geordie fuckwits crying when their team goes down.

Nice one Newcastle, gave me a little chuckle over my Cheerios this...

OK, so we love breasts, big tackles and boozy players – but as well as all your favourite footballing frivolity, I think that blogs like us, our oleole.com chums and everyone out in the wider blogosphere have a responsibility. A responsibility to do whatever we can to bring sporting injustice to the wider audience, and get fan power back on the agenda! For too long the FA has been dicking over 'smaller clubs' – and my pal has recently let me know about this Facebook group representing Luton Town... Perhaps the most unjustly treated team of the last year.

Everyone knows the story (if you don’t, click here) but as a result of the FA's treatment of the Happy Hatters (the deduction of 10 points for "transfer irregularities" that were nothing more than technicalities - payment...

In the fucked up world of fancy dan football and the bollocks that goes with, we have to put up with the scabrous leeches that are the press. For the great part they're idiots and we have to listen to their negativity and self important cock foolery! The only exception to this was when Graham Taylor was called out for being a turnip... now that is worthy fucking investigative sports journalism.

Anyway I digress. So the press suck and a former Wimbledon manager most people thought was dead shows up and is given the Newcastle job... Oh, how we chortled! Then he held a press conference and we fucking pissed ourselves laughing as he went to war with a few journos who should actually burn at the stake. 

The argument is fueled by the report Joe held training, and Mickey Owen and his worse than Spurs counter-parts didn't turn up or, were given the day off by mad Joe Kinnear. The truth is, no-one knows for...

I represent a consortium of wealthy Nigerians with $800 million dollars we need to park in your bank account due to unreasonable repression in our country. Please send us your details and we will happily deposit the cash there. Oh and can we have your football club as well, please?'

So desperate is the chubby pint-downing squillionaire that he may actually have fallen for it, cos it according to numerous sources including Goal.com that there is an offer on the table from a consortium headed by one Chris Nathaniel. Following Ashley's failed bid to flog the club in the Middle East a couple of weeks ago (by all accounts he just flew there and at the time the takeover was meant to be signed he was drinking in a bar, in a Muslim country, it could well be that he'll...

....yeah OK he's dead (fell off a horse while filming - comedy), but even a zombified staggering corpse would surely do a better job than the zombified sta.....Ah, I see what they've done.

Last seen managing Nottingham Forest (for less than a season, 4 years ago....does that tell you something?), Joe Kinnear was most famously managed during the Crazy Gang era at Wimbledon, when Dennis Wise was his captain. Dennis Wise, that rings a bell....oh yeah, he's currently playing out some cheeky fantasy as some high-flying exec role at St. James' Park. Funny that, cos Chris Hughton (the last interim manager) last week said he couldn't say for sure whether he'd be there this Saturday cos of the Cockney Mafia....

Les Reed (appointed with no coaching badges and no experience) lasted a month and ten days at Charlton, being voted unofficially the Worst Manager of All Time....I think he might have a contender for the title...

I've just read Mike Ashley's statement 1,644 word essay as to why he is selling Newcastle United and I have one thing to say to him. Bore off!

The reason that Newcastle is dissolving into a pool of diarrhoea is simple. Dennis Wise! Told you it's simple. I bet he can't even spell Executive Director (Football). He could never really get his pea-brain to register the rules of the game when he played and when he was manager of Leeds he couldn't add up that -£millions + -£millions = sweet FA (and you know I don't mean Football Association). When Gus Poyet left for Tottenham, Wise must have realised he was up shit creek and Poyet was his paddle. So why did Mike Ashley decide that Little Dennis was the right person for the job? Anyway, he must have had his reasons, but the next baffling thing is why is he called Executive Director (Football) when really he's a scout? He's already a jumped up prick, he doesn't need a...