A Fyfe Dangerfield Is Only A Lead Singer In A Twee Indie Pop Combo.

Beavis and Buttheid Alert!

The bananas in pyjamas were coming doon the stairs, or at least following ToMo to Fife to end what had been a fraught week in the Celtic World.

It started wie a Messiah unveiling then a defrocking 24 hours later as the quandary oaf whether or not the sheckles wid huv been better spent on a beast oaf a Spaniard rather than a Spurs reserve gained kudos.

We then had the pleasure of watching The Hun do what any good parasite does and feed of a bigger neighbour as both clubs "were pleased to announce" a deal with a company that produces fizzy water, wie a smidgin oaf alcohol and mair chemicals than Grangemouth.

Watching the Saturday soccer didnae improve the mood. Watching Der Brethren is like getting yer fingers nail pulled oot wie rusty pliers and as you sit and watch the anti-fitba' you wonder why yer 10 points behind them.

Then you remember the crap, the bad luck and the cheatin'.

Then MOTD, the tattooed Fox In The Box gave a performance that was fabled by those in Cov. Searching baw's with a decent left peg and a free kick master that unlike his Celtic career didnae huv those in the Lisbon Lions lower ducking fir cover.

Thems the breaks. I'm sure he will be average, again, soon.

So going to Dunfermline, on a tattie field, in the cup was not the way tae end the week. Not that Long Term Tony seemed bothered. 7 changes he rung like Arkwrights till.

The Cad came in fir the knacked Handy Andy, Clubfoot fir Jos, Baarfheid spewed over Naylor, Broonie took over the captains log and wis thrust in fir Davie, Crosas came in for Aiden who completed his mission to be dropped, Fannyras wandered in, spun around, went backwards for Keane and Rasputin gave MAF a well earned Sunday break so he could watch Sky Super Sunday.

A bench oaf Cool Hand Luka, Ronge, Aiden, Keane and ZZ looked strong wilful and wishful.  

It was a comfortably numb win. It wis scrappy, uninspiring and expected against lower league opposition. I never felt in any real danger when The Pars took the lead. Thir lead wis dark arts inspired and not due to thir ability.

The Grim Reaper Of Celtic's Scottish Cup Ties, Brother Richmond, wis oot to ensure that a Giant Killin' was oan the cards. His will and almost over eager glee to award a penalty to the hame side was noticeable wie the soft nature of the award.

Hell, it wisnny even soft. It wisnny a penalty and if it wis a penalty then thir should be 15 per gemme. He gave it but ignored Broonie being halved Nelsoned to the flair before Krackin' Kamara's opening goal and we must ask why was The Pars player not sent oaf for stopping a goal scoring attempt when Keane wis brought doon?

Despite this we goat away wie a poor performance and oor warm ba' is in the hat fir a trip tae Hibs in the next roond. The day did pose mair questions than answers though.

The Tubby Goalie decided that leaving an open goal, instead of tending it is a great way to keep a clean sheet and that his new party trick of diving the wrong way fir every penalty kick faced is entertainment fir everywan not oaf a Celtic persuasion.

When wis the last time you felt confident that he wis going to save a kick?

The Cad had a hand (!) in both goals lost and looked like he wis sizing up Dunfermline fir a future career move while over oan the other wing Edson Baarfheid threw up a performance that made us forget Man Of The Match Burnley Fox and his neck tattoo was also a GIRUY to the Scouser.

We huv seen a few decent left back debuts in recent times and they are a bit like a Coldplay album. Decent first impressions before you noticed that it is jist sub Joshua Tree Era U2 recycled pap.

In the middle, Clubfoot wis caught, like John Terry, somewhere he shouldnae huv been fir the first goal. The dummy then nutmeg he wis sold meant that he had to purchase a match ticket to get back in. Maybe the Tubby Goalie had run ootside to lend him the money to get back in or wis he away fir a pie?

I really huv seen nuthin' to say that he is the future oaf the club some hold his beacon oaf talent as. Hair wis his usual self. Didnae get carried oaf this time but is looking mair like a crash test dummy wie each passing week.  
       
Does the introduction oaf Scott Broon cause any midfield to malfunction and his team-mates to have thir worst performances in weeks? At half time I could picture Crosas, Landry and Broonie all playing Paper, Scissors, Stone to decide who wis getting the hook fir the Lucky Leprechaun.

Crosas went scissors to Broonies stane and goat an early bath. Landry had the misfortune of getting asked to play right back for the last 15 mins as ZZ decided to beat the record for the maist incomplete passes in a subs appearance.

He nearly done it. Landry also failed in his record attempt at how many times he could get caught oan the ba' over 90 mins. For the 2nd 90 in a row Landry has been the wrong side of terrible.

It's that African soup.

Broonie's effort amounted to the sum total of a cracking reverse pass in the 2nd half. He get's let oaf as he is still returning to full fat fitness but I'm struggling to find an excuse fir the last two seasons.

Cameo Keano came oan and his movement caused the 6th in the First division defence all sort of mirth. His Paradinha Pen was not in-keeping with the woefulness we have seen fae 16 yards this season. His machine gun celebration really should have been kept fir elsewhere.

He wis popping up here, there and everywhere but another two missed sitters, when mano on mano has me fearing that if he is the man we are relying on to take that chance then we are  like a dug barking at a crisp poke.  

I don't think we huv that problem wie Rasputin. While he has all the demeanour and mobility of a lamp-post ootside the box, inside the box, if a loose cannon is firing oaf shots he is thir trying to stick a boot in tae force if goalwards.

Two spills fae The Pars goalie wir nearly gobbled up by The Great Dane and his goal wis just quick thinking. Broonie heidered the ba' oaf his legs, he stabbed the first attempt goal wards like a cornered Ned and as it rebounded oaf the thrashing goalie he quickly poked oot his other foot to ensure another bulge in the okay dokey pokey.

His very presence caused The Ineligible Pars defender to side foot expertly into his oan net in the second period. Should he be the first name oan the team sheet fir Wednesday night?

Only aftir Kris Kamara. The High Roller Wie The High Up Shorts smashed after a stramash from the edge oaf the box to score his first goal in the revolting away kit. His forceful forward play reminded me why Fannyras is such a frustrating player.

Kamara was a threat, Fannyras was threat to the coronary stats in the West Of Scotland with his Much Ado Aboot Nuthin' Style that causes him to run in ever decreasing circles and cause his team-mates to watch in bemusement as he never ever sees a simple pass.  

So, joab done. All three newbies scored, one by default, but I have seen Poundstretcher Kitchen Roll survive a wetter force than oor defence. It's really all aboot The Jam Tarts now and if we can breakdoon a SPL defence assembled by Auld Mutton Chops wie the intent to kill.

Instead oaf looking like a sum of parts we need to start looking like a team.

YIC