Celtic Bottle It And Crash Out Of Europe.

 Mair Bottle Than Celtic

Remember the wee guy that used to be the laughing stock of your year at school? The one that wore a train-spotting green anorak, Dunlop Green Flashes, NHS specs, has a satchel, carried his gym kit in a Fine Fare poly poke, listened to Whitesnake and had an unhealthy obsession wie Star Trek and Morris Minors?

Well, Celtic are that guy today after their exit fae all Europa Competition. We never even made the early rounds of the Eurovision Song Contest. When Michael Platini, hands oot the gongs at the end of the season, we will get one entitled "Bottlers Of The Season 2008/09" wie the Tagline: "For Cheering Up Europe Wie A Hilarious Collaspe Against The Inverness Of Denmark".

I'm sure we have space next to the awards we won, for defeats in Bratislava, Brussels and Trondheim......

Away Monkey Spanks Us Guid....

When all left work, or the broo office, yesterday, i'm sure we were all looking forward to welcoming, the meek 2-0 away defeat, like a long lost friend who turns up at yer door wie 24 cans of Special Brew. Yes, a 2-1 defeat came, under what some might say cursed circumstances, it caused oor manager to describe as "Unbelievable" and LoTW to describe it as "feckin' shit".

Not that the performance was that bad, it just wasn't that guid and summed up oor disappointing Big Cup. We got what we deserved. Overall, 2 goals, the least amount of shots on and off target, the lowest amount of possession and the lowest amount of points confirm who status today as one of the worst teams in the Big Cup.

Thing is, 3rd place was a gimmie in this group and we blew it. Being not guid enough to hold on to a 1-0 lead, after controlling wie 53% possession and missing chance after chance, which fell to oor "Green Chip" European standard players, against Aalborg BK means, we deserve to be oot. The team sitting 7th in the Danish Superliga took 4 points from us. It's akin to a one-armed blindman beating you at darts.

Oor manager was stunned. He gasped: "It was there for us but our inability to keep a clean sheet has been the downfall in our run away from home and until we get that sorted things like tonight are possible. I couldn't fault any of the players, I really couldn't."

It would be easy to blame the players. I fault them, as I reckon they could have done a lot, lot better against the poorest team in the group, but to take pot shots at certain players would be not as accurate as a gun-slinger wie tourettes. 

You could say the manager made mistakes due to his team selection, his subs and him pitching in the winner of the Craig Beattie 1st touch award 2008 wie 17mins to go. That would be as unfair as beating a dog that has diahorrea for shiting on yer carpet. 

The club has failed as a collective. The players, the management and the PLC are all to blame.

At least, Gary Calderbuer, the leader on the park, unlike the missing Mick, calls it like he see's it and is honest to a fault. He blankly stared, a stare not seen since Vietnam and spewed: You can't keep saying it was bad luck, Ultimately, we weren't good enough to hold on to the lead that we managed to get or maybe even get the second goal that would have killed the game off. But we can't say we were unlucky - that's too easy. We have to look at ourselves."

He then sums up how we are all feeling: "It's a massive disappointment to have been in the position we were in and then throw it all away."

20 games and counting.

Rumour O'Filter 

This will cheer us up. According to a carrier pigeon we are interested in Seamus Coleman who is a rightback and plays for Sligo Rovers. Nice to see that John Park is making use of those £1 flights to Dublin on offer from Ryan Air.

Ok. It's over. The Hail Hails are open, you don't have to be logged in to comment, and I suspect they will be full of wailings and full of woe. Open yer heart, but it's not the place to confess that you slept wie yer 15 year old cousin when drunk.

Forza