Celtic Done By 'Fantasy Football'.

Celtic Plead Poverty 

What did LOTW do to deserve this?

Was it because he got wee Broony the belt for lying that he had shat his pants when LOTW was 5? Is it due to LOTW stealing those goldfish from the travelling fair pikey when he was 10? Was it because LOTW got pissed on Special Brew at 16 or that I 'lied when i was 17?'.

So why do we put ourselves through Celtic in pre-season? I wish to go back to the days that pre-season games were reported by a one-line report on the wireless when a bad line reported "Lacklustre Celtic stumble to another defeat" and that was it.

Our pre-season so far has contained no performances, 2 wins, a draw and 3 defeats. These defeats have come against Fulham, Spurs and Cardiff. Yes, our pre-season contains a defeat to Cardiff. If our performance against Cardiff was a low, it reached a new low last night with a meek defeat to Spurs.

A performance that lacked energy, fight, commitment and guile. Our manager stated before the game that he was to...

 "....try out a few systems against good opposition and ask ourselves the question, 'will this be good enough to use in European games away from home?'" 

Ok, to LOTW untrained eye, an eye that has never set sight on an a coaches notebook in it's life, his experiment, which was Scott McDonald dropped deeper and Barry Robson played on the right, won't win us games in the CIS Cup never mind Europe.

If he has tried a 4-3-2-1, a 2-2-2-4, a 4-2-2-2 or the infamous 9-0-1 and we had lost then I would be "Ach, he tried something and it didnae work.." but...he played his first team in their, sort of, normal formation.

After the game he bemoaned Celtic's lack of ball retention, LOTW has seen better water retention in an auld folks home,.... "The way you play football is to pass the ball better. We gave the ball away 18 times in the first half and when you do that it means they have the ball for eight minutes."..... said Gordon forgetting the other 82mins that Spurs had the ball.

If pre-season games are all about fitness as Stephen McManus, who bailed out at HT after getting ripped by Darren Bent, says...."These games are always tough and we aren't reading too much into them. We are just working on our fitness.....then why did we look a yard slower, a yard sharper and as creative as a re-run of Art Attack?

Again, LOTW believes this is down to the instructions giving out before these games. "Go out lads, have a wee run about but don't try too hard..." we really don't care about the results of these games but another 2 defeats in the last two games, which is a massive possibilty, then we are going into the season on a downer.

Results and performances do help for confidence. But.....it's only pre-season. We have HAD WORSE pre-seasons and still went on to do well. And it's the first time we have lost to Spurs in 75 years and they had to spend megabucks to do it so I expect them to release a DVD celebrating this.

I suppose we should be thankful that we don't face teams with Spurs resources- though, if any of our players had gave anything near 100% or if it had been in a competitive game I reckon we would have given them a game, not a stroll in the Rotterdam sun- every week and our defence be thankful that failure in the Champions League will only mean we could meet Modric and Bent again.

Spurs have spent, so far, £43m to try and get to the Champions League. I heard them bemoaning how poor Celtic are and that they would be better in the CL. I'm comfortable with Celtic's place in Europe- middle order, making up the numbers etc, while Spurs are not with theirs. They are spending to change that feeling. 

But....if you like to boast and bloat that you play in the "Best league in the world..." and love the riches that go with that then you have to play be their rules. Their rules say that you are not good enough to represent the EPL in the CL.....so you canny have your cake and eat it.

So we might have an 'easier' route to Europes top table but that route hinders us when we get there, so while, we want to not just make up the numbers.....we canny have oor cake and eat it as well.

So are we trying to improve our standing in Europe as a decent UEFA Vase Team? Our manager talked about the David Beckham wannabe last night, he said....

"What are our limits? Do you get half a Bentley, a quarter of Bentley? Do we get a Bentley right leg? If you said to Juande Ramos to get rid of all his top players and give him X amount and say get to the Champions League last eight he would just laugh at you. We know that. It's nothing new and we're not complaining."

.....of course we are complaining, we widnae be Scottish if we weren't complaining, if you think us moaning about Tv money is bad, get us started on Oil and the riches that we have gave the rest of the UK....bejesus.

Anyway, as LOTW reads other sites and passes off rumours as his own then, LOTW believes oor transfer budget would buy us David Beckhams Bentley upper torso. First up is the saga of Gabriel Tamas, his agent now saying......

'There have been new, positive discussions. Gabi wants to play for Celtic, in front of those great fans, in that great stadium. Also, the idea of Champions League football is attractive'

......while hoping that his player gets better offer from an EPL team.

Bobbing along on the raft that all Championship journeymen sale on the way to the SPL is West Brom full back Paul Robinson, who is on a break from being a love rat on Neighbours. There is no quotes but I have lifted, what has to be the Hail Hail of the week from Rudyflyer.....

"Now, this Paul Robinson guy, I know fuck all about him besides that he's a Championship star, sounds like the song of Lee Naylor to me..."

Think that sums it up nicely. But can anyone come up wie, what we shall call the "Ballad of Lee Naylor"? There maybe a prize.*

And a quote in a Spanish paper says.....

 "Celtic have talked to us about both a loan and permanent deal regarding Marc Crosas,"

....from Barcelona. But....Spanish quotes are about as trustworthy as the jury in the Jill Dando murder trial but if this guy....

Will we see white smoke this week? Yes.

Now, to FF. No not the political wing of the R*ngers trust and the cesspit of society. But, OleOle's big superdooper Fantasy Football leagues. So if you fancy spending a Ramos Ransom click the link and sign up.

There is lots of great prizes....Champion League final tickets and accommodation in Rome for the winner! Tickets to top European league matches, a Sony Play Station 3 with the very latest games, Official Replica Team Shirts and ...Official OleOle goodies!

But..that is not a match for the LOTW Super Lager Division 1. Yes, LOTW has created it's own mini-league so all you Champ Manager freaks can test yerself against the best. To join the LOTW Super Lager Division 1, click on the Fantasy Football link, create your team - the LOTW mini league is based on the European Super League pool of players- and then click on join a mini league.

The leagues name is: LOTW Super Lager Division 1 and the password is: Bolloxs. There might be a prize for the winner**

Forza

*There is no prize for the "Ballad Of Lee Naylor"

**At the moment there is no prize for the winner of the LOTW Super Lager Division 1. I'm hoping some nice people will read this and donate a prize, like a nice retro kit or a replica top or OleOle goodies.....juat donate shit people, I will accept anything.