Celtic, Masters Of The Universe.

The first part of what is being called 'The Tony Mowbray Bounce' was completed on Saturday as Darren Jacksons Celtic won the prestigious Screwfix Masters Cup 2009 at Braehead Arena.

Havin' A Regi

The competition will be remembered as the Regi Blinker Master-Class Cup as he engraved his name into Indoor Soccer Sixes history with a series of performances that reminded avid Indoor Soccer watchers of the great Joe Miller Tennent's Sixes of 1992.

Blinker produced a performance in the final that even he didn't know he was capable off never mind those who remember his 'Chicken Dance' with a Croatia Zagreb keeper.

He was named player of tournament after holding off challenges from Jose Quitongo and Neil Murray.

Bright Future

Celtic's win was a triumph for attacking football and if Tony Mowbray follows Darren Jacksons blueprint then the Celtic fans are in for a treat.

In goals for Celtic was Stuart Kerr who held his place despite a late attempt from Artur Boruc to meet the required Masters Weight restrictions. The only two defenders in the 8 man outfield squad were Mark McNally and Tom Boyd who proved at times that the mid 90's is not such a distant memory for them.

Jackson decided that playing The Celtic Way was the way to go with Andy Walker, Chic Charnley, Jackson himself, Pierre Van Hooijdonk, Regi Blinker and wing maestro Brian McLaughlin making up the squad.

Poor Start, Winter Aided

The bid for The Cup started badly. A 3-1 defeat to Dundee Utd- inspired by Craig Brewster who was playing as a known ringer as he clearly wasn't fat enough- gave United only their 2nd win in Masters history. Blinker scored The Hoops goal giving notice that Suriname Superstar meant business.

Next up was a Glasgow Derby, which was to officiated by the impartial Jeff Winter who never speaks about his allegiances on his personal website. Big Pierre put The Hoops 1-0 ahead. Blinker then got sent off for winning the ball from Stuart McCall and as the PA played 'I Predict A Riot' Winter allowed two assaults from R*ngers players to go unpunished.

Against the will of the crowd and the M.I.B Tom Boyd scored to put Celtic 2-0 ahead at half-time and Winter sent off McCall for being a cunt.

But..in true Celtic tradition they allowed themselves to be bullied and after numerous missed chances meant that they hung on for a 2-2 draw after Derek McInnes scored an equaliser. His celebration means that we all hope St Johnstone have a horrible, horrible season.

If You Know Your History

In the last game Celtic had to beat Hearts by 2 clear goals to qualify for the final. The Auld Hoops produced a performance that would have inspired a watching Mowbray, if he was watching. A 4-1 victory doesn't tell the whole tale of this back-from-the-dead victory that ranks alongside Love Street 86, Centenary 88 or Helicopter Thursday.

Remarkably Celtic were in the final and were in no mood to pass the chance up for victory. An injury to Chic Charnley- hit on the head with a plastic pint tumbler in an atmosphere Jim White described as 'family friendly'- meant that the squad was depleted.

They raced to a 2-0 Blinker inspired lead only for Dundee Utd to pull it back and look the more likely for victory. But like so many finals against United this Celtic team would not be beaten.

Mark McNally drilled home the winner and it was left to Stuart Kerr to provide the what-might-have-been moment when he produced a one-handed save from Craig Brewster in the dying seconds.

Celtic will now represent Scotland in The National Screwfix Masters in September where hefty defeats to other over 35's to-fat-to-wear-replica-kits-in-normal-everyday-life are sure to be the order of the day.

A DVD of Celtic's Masters Win will be released in August or if you buy the 'new' Bumble Bee Away kit you will probably get a free copy.

The Future Looks Bright

Despite having no bearing on the up-coming season the message boards that you have to pay to view or address the master before you post have been awash with optimism.

Talk of an unprecedented quintuple has been muted and whether Pierre should be given the chance to go to Australia with the squad as he has proved that he has' still got it.'

Celtic now face a must win game against Brisbane Roar a game in which they will hope to continue their decent run of pre-season form and decent press headlines. Defeat will spell crisis in the early days of Mogga's reign.

**Thanks to Number 7 KDS for the picture**