KI18; A New Hope

Now that Nigella's Christmas finished it's run on the BBC with the classic line: I always sprinkle passion fruit on my Pavs I had time to watch the launch of KI18: A New Hope in what our once glorious club dubbed a special event in downtown Seoul.

The event, held in conjunction with our partners in crime that make us wear that away kit in defeat (we look like a meek surrender in a Scottish Clan Fight), gave more ammunition than your average MOD weapon store in Iraq to the cynics that this signing is nothing more than a selling the brand exercise.

A once dapper CEO who spoke, very nervously, of new audiences for Celtic and Scottish Football (probably counting the % more eyes Celtic would bring to the game) welcomed our new Korean fans to the Celtic family in the only way a man who makes Philip Glenister look less smarmier when he is mouthing about Big Juicy Birds in a M&S advert can.

The CEO was sweating like a council worker getting his hard-drive checked. No wonder. We saw pictures of the Korean meeja typing furiously into laptops as the propaganda presentation was being played accompanied by the dulcet tones of Archie Mac.

Our CEO was hoping that the Korean meeja couldn't use Google to check some of the facts that Archie was reading.

Did you know we compete regularly in the latter stages of the Big Cup? Our that we have an average attendance of 57,000, over 50,000 season ticket holders and a world famous atmosphere?

I suppose that's better than saying that we have now been reduced to offering pay at the gate as our season ticket holders have disappeared as quick as then appeared and that we do qualify for the latter stages of the Big Cup only if we don't face Aalborg.

The UEFA Fan award is mentioned and also in a perfectly placed cultural reference it was said that Chinese captain Zheng Zhi sometimes sits on our bench.

Davie KI18 looked like an X-Factor contestant who couldn't believe that he was on-stage with his hero or Michael Buble. All white teeth, perfect hair and quite willing to go along with anything (as long as it was to a soundtrack of Lady Ga Ga or Busted), and the assorted new fans looked like they had stumbled into the wrong room when being shown round the Seoul Nike Offices during Bring Your Kid To Work Day.

The event then moved on to a Talk Show type format as Davie KI18 was trundled out in a Nike trackie to answer questions on a set that look like an explosion in an aliens intestines.

A soccer skills school then ensued with Davie KI18 dawning the Hoops, gingerly dribbling round a few cones and belting a ball into empty 6 a side goals. The kids from Bring Your Kids To Work Day got a shot as well.

It was as cute as a puppy with rabies.

After Koki Mizuno ended up more Jar Jar Binks than Han Solo I do hope that KI18 is a success. I do dread the day though Xzibit turns up at the front door of CP for an episode of Pimp My Club and worry that our once dapper CEO see's himself as some sort of Huggy Bear.

Our CEO called Celtic a Cause but this brand smooze fest is a millions miles away from what I would call The Cause. Maybe making money is his cause and I hear fat bonuses can effect your balanced view of the greater good.

With that thought, I will wish you all a Merry Christmas.      

More satisfying than the contents of Santa's sack the original LoTW. Get the ORIGINAL here.