No Peace-Maker For Celtic. West Brom Play Hardball And Celtic Can Pay, Won't Pay.

 Compo. To Be Agreed.

Black country giants, West Bromwich Albion, will reject any bid from Celtic to take Tony Mowbray, who invented The Huddle, to Celtic Park. The Baggies board are seething at Mowbrays secret talks with Celtic were leaked to the media via text messages and bloggers.

Play Like Brazil

Due to this being leaked they will now demand more than £2m in compensation and force Celtic to take Peter Grant as part of the package, which Celtic were reluctant to do as they already have a former limited ability midfielder on their coaching staff.

Investment Banker and tough talking chairman, Jeremy Peace, knows how to handle toxic assets and his held in high regard manager is now being seen as one. Peace has been at logger heads with Mowbray and has publicly criticised his transfer record and dourness.

"This move is unwelcome, we had an agreement that he would just sneak out the back and we would stick Iain Dowie in a Tony Mowbray mask. If Celtic think it's just a the case of offering us some cash then they are barking up the wrong the tree." said Peace from his holiday home in Barbados.

"Yes, I have been critical of him but we have sold 16,000 season books on the back of his Play Like Brazil Lose Like Derby Football."

Gardening Leave.

Another Baggie board member said: "Peace won't hesitate to put Mowbray on gardening leave and let him sit like Crystal Palace done with Steve Bruce a few seasons back." before realising that Crystal Palace released Bruce back into the wild much to the detriment to the good football people in Birmingham, Wigan and now Sunderland.

Celtic have denied they are looking for a manager but a spokesman has mumbled: "We will just get Mowbray to resign and they can sing for their money..it's all in the small print." then laughed like the playground bully he is.

Treasure Hunter

The underwhelmed Celtic support, who can look forward to signings the calibre of Bostjan Cesar being attracted to The Hoops if a deal can be agreed, have been told to embrace the new era by an ex-player who is not really qualified to comment.

Frank McAvennie said: "I watched a lot of West Brom on Sky Sports News and Match Of The Day and he gets average players to look good, which is what Celtic need." ignoring that Mogga needs to make below average players at Celtic look good.

"Celtic must invest in a scouting system that allows them to sign up and coming talent....talent..mmmm" no shit Sherlocked McAvennie.

McAvennie was talking at the release of the DVD box set of '"Fools Gold" which is based very loosely on his time as a professional treasure hunter.

New Striker Woe

Mowbrays, not yet started reign as boss, has got off to a dodgy start with top target Marc Antoine Fortune saying this evening that he will snub the club and stay in the EPL and not follow Mowbray to his yet to be confirmed new post.

His agent said: "Marc will move to a team that has a manager and not one that has been appointed by a rumour started off by a Mark McGhee text message."

This is a major blow to Celtic who desperately wanted to land the 5-goal last season striker who was on loan from AS Nancy to The Hawthorns.

Celtic will now offer Jan Vennegor of Hesselink, whose move to PSV fell through after his ankles shattered walking up a flight of stairs, a new deal and hope Georgios Samaras begins to look like a player. Cillian Sheridan is still trying to find his way back from Motherwell.