Pragmatic and Functional, Tommy Gravesen, Loovens, Sno Go and Maloney The Bairn.

Glenn Loovens sees 'Heid and Hoof' in action.... 

Lotw, is glad the seasons back. We have meaningful games to moan about. No more glorified training sessions to watch and post reflective, rubbish blogs about and last, but by no means least, live ammo to slaughter the players, justifiably, with.

It also brings new LoTWites to the blog, HAIL HAIL to you, you know who you are, have you got me as your favourite blog yet?, and the irregulars who use this blog like an off shoot of Dear Deidrie, back in from wearing socks and sandals on respective beaches, while drunk on cheap wine.

Now, while the reaction to the 'point gained' at Tannadice could be measured as extreme as a Hezbollah Training camp, LoTW, as it usually does in times of trouble, comforts itself with stats and drink. Last season we only failed to gain points on 4 occasions away from home. We also gained 1 point only once and the rest of the time we gained all 3 points in performances that were pragmatic, functional, lucky and good.

But the point gained at Tannadice also brings up the nightmare thought that our performances last season, that were pragmatic, functional and lucky will be the fare again this season unless we change personnel, change the system or splash the cash and bring in better quality.

At least we have seen some change in personnel this week.

LoTW sings 'Hosanna' and counts the cost of the experiment that was Thomas Gravesen. The Danish Scott Brown, disappeared into the sunset a multi millionaire after, a case of mistaken identity left him dining in Madrid, with Zidane, on steak and fine wine, while Lee Carsley cursed his baldyness and feasted on fast food with Phil Neville and is now tasting the delights Birmingham has to offer. LoTW reckons Tommy owes Lee a few beers.

Tommy was a 'Green Chip' signing. His debut against Aberdeen proved to be a false dawn as quickly his wandering around like a drunk tramp on meths became his trademark. The Champions League produced his most embarressing moments and the DVD, working title ' How To Blow £6m Quid' , will fronted be Harry Hill and available free with The Sunday Mail.

He was brought to save us from pragmatic, functional football but, like Jiri Jarosik was a disappointment, couldn't lift us above the average level and sometimes both looked like they couldn't reach the functional level. 

Another midfielder that left us this week was Evander 'Boooooo' Sno. The North Stand favourite scapegoat left to go back to his first club Ajax. Evander 'Booooo' Sno, had a decent first season, where he made running like a flat footed penguin look graceful, but as he faded the 'instantworldbeater' brigade turned on him and recent appearances were met with audible groans.

The big fellow had decided that he has had enough and returned to the country of his birth to coaches and fans that rate him as a future internationlist and star. Andy Hinkel has now replaced Sno on the North Stand Scapegoat list and we fully expect him to be booed within the month.

Good luck Evander..but a lot would rather see pragmatic and functional players like Hartley and Robson.

In that quest to keep the Status Quo of the squad, 'Down, down, deeper and down', new signing, new benchwarmer and future reserve team captain Glenn Loovens modelled the new home kit, which a snazzy green and white hooped number and nothing like last years green and white hooped number. Our manager commented while kissing a photo of the 15m rated 'Heid and Hoof'....

"It would be great if we had £20m to spend on a defender. If I had it Glenn wouldn't be sitting here, it would be Rio Ferdinand. But we have a certain amount of money. It gives us the chance to develop our own players which is exciting and good for us. Glenn wants to get better."

....think the manager sums up the frustrations, that are now at boiling point within Celtic support. We don't need players to make better, we need players that are ready to improve the first team and Crosas, Loovens, Samaras and McCourt don't shout out that they will improve the team.

The feeling Loovens is an after thought and a cheap option is further highlighted by Loovens, former team-mate, for all of 3 weeks, I'm not a Billy I'm a Tim, Ross McCormack who, when asked about Glenn said...

"He never panics and is a mixture of Boumsong and Kyrgiakos. He is going to do really well at Celtic."

.......comparing them to, two of the worst CB's ever to disgrace the SPL. Not a great start eh?

Seems like hope is riding over the hill, on a wee wooden horse and a player with 'pedigree', who will walk back into the team and, hopefully, improve the team. Wee Shaun Maloney, will return like the prodigal Bawwy (8) after a failed spell in England. We welcome him without much doubt as we are desperate.

The Hail Hail of the week, goes to irregular LoTWite 'Seven' for his take on the most interesting aspect of the return of the Shaun....

"do u think if him and mcdonald were ever played upfront together it would be the biggest 2 rear-ends of all time in a celtic partnership"

.....naw, I reckon the biggest arses ever to play up front Celtic were Wayne Biggins and Andy Payton.

So, we play Falkirk in our next league game. Falkirk have only won once at CP since their return to the SPL and that was in the Diddy Cup on pens, when Evander 'Boooo' Sno missed the crucial pen. We have played them 6 times and have won 5, scoring 13 goals and losing 3 in the process.

Aiden McGeady is our top goalscorer against them with 5 goals in total. As Aiden looks as likely to score as the elephantman at a supermodel convention then the LoTW Bonkers Bet, a bet that 'youwidbestupidtofollow' means that I will go for Celtic to win 2-1 with a functional, pragmatic and lucky performance with Jan Vennegor scoring first.

Maybe we will see some new players.

Forza

Thanks to Celtic Stats for the information used in this blog.