Porto Stuffed, Midfield Moaning And GIRUY Spurs(Hopefully)

 "Salt and Sauce Lad....."

Lhads....

Lets all shout.....Vitor Baia, Ferreira, Nuno Valente, Jorge Costa, Pedro Emanuel, Ricardo Carvalho, Costinha, Ricardo Costa, Alenichev, Maniche, Deco, Capucho (ha,ha, fucking ha), Marco Ferreira, Derlei and last but not least Jose The Not So Special One Bawbagface.....

Your boys took one hell of a beating!!!!!!

LOTW has decided that some pre-season games are worth celebrating victories in and beating Porto (cheating scum) on what was billed as a 'party' on their on patch is worth cracking open a can and feeling well chuffed.

Here is the highlights but I'm sure Celtic will bring out a DVD of this famous win in the near future. Only Rapid Vienna to go in the 'revenge' stakes.

Ok, we got a bit of a run a round in the 1st Half. As the highllights prove we, were sliced apart as easy a donar kebab but Artur 'The Holy Goalie' Boruc proved his weight in kebab meat. In the second half we played better, switched to a 442 and got a goal worthy to win any game.

Our problems were caused by giving the ball away cheaply and again reminded us that in Europe keeping the ball leads to sucess. Giving it away leads you not to win an away game in Europe for numerous years.

Quite what to make of our qualification for the last 16 in the Champions League with these glaring faults is a puzzle that has Columbo itching perversely in his duffel coat. Even our own players are bemused...Big Jan Vennegor Of Hesslelink says....

"We'll need more signings to strengthen for Europe and the title challenge. Fresh blood creates competition and gives you a better chance of progressing. Getting to the last 16 two years in a row is a great achievement. Now we hope to go even further."

On the evidence supplied, LOTW reckons that we need to improve away from home to ensure we can progress. The game against Porto showed us what we can do when we are organised and don't treat pre-season games as 'bounce' and it also saw the so-called unveiling of the 'Strachanaccio'.

Georgios Samaras got into the inner beast of the 'Strachanaccio' 4-5-1 system. He pleaded he was the man for the joab...

"We're used to playing 4-4-2, attacking and making goals. Sometimes you need to do that or we could play with one up front but it's up to the gaffer to make that decision. I just wait to hear how he wants me to play and then I go out to do my job."

We played the 'Strachanaccio' in Europe last year to great unsuccess. Four games, four defeats. We played two up front against Spartak and got a draw. When the 'new black' one up front system was employed we lost every game 1-0.

If we are going to play this system we need the players to play it. LOTW doesn't think that we have the players to play it. Played badly, this system ends up the 'Wattienaccio' as done to great plaudits by R*ngers on the way to The UEFA Vase final last year.

Paul Hartley, last season, played EVERY game in Europe. He said at the weekend...

"The middle of the park is our strongest area so all I can do is try and impress."

.....and impress the bearded man does. Major reason we won the league and if you look back at all our decent performances last season HE played. LOTW also believes he will bring the best out of Scott Brown. Only if Scott Brown plays in a central area with him.

His energy and fight in the central area is needed. LOTW doffs his cap at him having a go at Porto's Uruguayan hatchetman Jorge Fucile over the Porto player claiming that "salt and sauce is fer poofs".

LOTW is completely unsure though about GS playing him on the left handside of midfield in these pre-season games. Eh, Barry Robson boss?

The 'Strachanaccio' could still require room for one more. Massimo Donati star is fading faster than Gordon Browns hopes of winning the next election and LOTW believes that Massimo mis-firing like an auld Ford Cortina could be the reason Evander Sno turned down a move to Spain.

That or the FACT he can wait to the turn of the year and make more money by signing a pre-contract with his Spanish suitors.

But...all you Evander Sno haters remember the Camp Nou when he replaced Massimo Donati? We could be punting, LOTW thinks we are punting, a future Netherland Internationalist who could turn out to be our version of Guttuso. All because of a couple of poor games....

So, LOTW sings "It could be Rotterdam or anywhere, Liverpool or Rome" but it's Rotterdam we were right first time. First game is against Harry Hotspurs big spending but big selling Tottenham Hotspur. A game which Robbie Keane won't get to score against his "second" favourite boyhood team and once again he won't score his first goal for his "second" favourite boyhood team.

But....a call to arms. As you can see OleOle is a bit like a surburb of North London and a hefty defeat could make LOTW a bit of a sore place to be by 7.30BST on Friday night. So lets try and get a a few of us on the comments while the game is happening and also afterwards.

Sure we will get some 'visitors' over the next few days so lets make them welcome. Baseball bats, coshes, sweaty socks wie snooker balls in them and chair legs are available at the door...

Forza