Shaun Maloney...It's Soooo Boooring....Let's Play In Outer Mongolia Instead.

 "Burnley!!!!! Techno, techno, techno, techno...."

"The Gallowgate is burning doon, is burning doon, The Gallowgate is burning doon....and it wiz Kenneh Misser" Naw, it wisnny, really, but he seems to have forgot where he has been. In his comeback interview wie Hun World he said....

"I was fortunate enough to sample a few Champions League nights when I was here the first time around and they were special nights and obviously I got a goal in the Monaco game."

What? Has he forgot this goal and his badge thumping celebration? Or is he just pandering to the Ibrox hordes by airbrushing his Celtic past like he took off his green and white trainers for the photo shoot?

That goal was set up by a great run by Shaun Maloney. The rumour of the last two transfer windaes that just won't go away. It's becoming like the on-going Robbie Keane that we hear every summer (a rumour that his move to Liverpool- sorry HH- will stop this close season) and it's getting a bit boring.

It started off this week again wie us being involved in a tug o war wie The Huns to bring him hame. Now, where The Huns were getting the money to compete wie what we would offer and knowing that Maloney widnae bring trouble on top of him wie a move to the darkside (a feeling, now, seemingly proved correct) meant I thought this was pish.

Then Lee Naylor was meant to be involved in the deal. A swap no less wie some money getting passed over in broon paper bags at Southwaite services. Would Martin O'Neill really risk the "progress" he has made wie Aston Villa by signing a poor full back in the SPL and hope he could hold his own in the EPL?

Right enough, goalies and left backs are not Saint Martin Of O'Neills strong point.

I would welcome Maloney back. But......in all the press reports I have not seen one quote (fabricated or otherwise) that makes me think this story has any kudos whatsoever. I will probably be hopelessly wrong and Maloney will be paraded on the darkside on the 12th July.

We were also linked wie ex-Spurs left back Timothee Atuoba. A player described as "an aggressive yet flamboyant defender" (which conjurs up visions of Oliver Tebily's younger brother) and one Spurs fan as "shit". This rumour seems to have been headed off at the pass wie Martin Jol deciding that he wishes to keep the player (after punting him at Spurs) and we seem to making passes at Vitorino Gabriel Antunes whose agent said....

 "The future of Antunes is still very unclear. Bologna and Chievo want Gabriel and also Celtic have made us an interesting proposal which we are considering.''

I wonder what is "interesting"? Does the contract include a clause that says you must forget how to cross a ball, cross the halfway line and be acceptable to getting a season ending injury within a few games of yer debut, an affliction that cripples awe oor full backs?

Talking off full backs Adam Virgo left us wie this parting shot.....

"On the other side of it, I was unfortunate with injuries, lack of ability and things didn't really happen for me. Sometimes they have been out of my control, like ma first touch, but if you reflect too much you never move on. I have learnt a lot and hopefully I will never darken the door of a big club again."

Poor Adam darkened the Hoops wie his bulk 10 times. For those there that day he made his debut, I think, in hindsight, we all should have known that we had signed a haddie. He gave away a pen that day (which Arfur saved) and was so far off the pace he resembled Andy Murray playing Nadal. It also sounds like the Colchester fans also found oot quite quickly that Adam wisnny a fitba player.

Now, I can say that one day at Fir Park against Mothewell I saw Adam Virgo having a MOTM performance as centre back. We can wear that T-Shirt that but.....I can also say I saw him that night at Hampden when he attempted to play right back in a CIS Semi Final against Motherwell, a night where the footage has been burned for crimes against professional fitba'.

The biggest question has to be did we really pay £1.5m for this haddie? Or, was it really £400,000 and he never triggered any of the add ons?

At least he has left. The inmoveable Bobo Balde has turned doon a move to Hull City. When asked aboot the move, Bobo said

"Hull? It's hardly Newton Mearns. Now, where is ma guitar and ma pile cream (starts to strum and sing) money, money, money it's really funny in Bobo's world"

The legacy that Bobo leaves is now souring. From being a rock he know just seems like a big £30,000 a week drain that is no interested in getting his career back on track. That's his bag. We gave him that contract and he is quite right to want paid for it before he leaves. But....nearly two years inaction wil mean that he is damaged goods when he does pick his perfect club and leaves.

I widnae like to be his CB partner when he does leave. Bull in a china shop springs to mind.

Another object that disnny seem to be getting a way oot is Derek Riordon. Wie Burnley denying awe knowledge of a bid I spoke to the LOTW Burnley mole who said.....

"Deek, will enjoy Burnley it's like Leith in the 80's but withoot cunts fae Embra mugging American tourists during the festival...yes, it's a shithole"

Another tenner well spent I'm sure you will all agree.

Celtic did sign someone this week. Some bloke called Jason Hughes who, worryingly said...

“It is a tremendous honour to join a cub of Celtic’s great history and stature. This is an opportunity and challenge which I am looking forward to immensely and one where I aim to do all I can to ensure that Celtic realises its huge global potential, which means us playing games in Outer Mongolia so we can sell a few hundred tops and pimp oorselves roond the globe with the principal objective of bringing further money to the club.”

It's fitba' Jim, but not as we know it.

Forza