S.O.S For Juan Fernando Arango

Celtic, will try and get a South American solution to their goal scoring problems after reports in Venezuela claim that they are after the countries top football superstar. The deal could be pushed through quickly as Celtic know how well South Americans adapt to the SPL.

The players agent, yesterday, didn't fax, any ambiguous quotes, which were exclusive to all newspapers but we fully expect Pablo D Loafernsocks to release a statement later today.

Juan Arango, 29 year old striker, currently playing for Real Mallorca, would appear to be on Celtic's radar as after all Venezuela is a hotbed for all news things SPL. It would also appear that £3.4m for a player with no sell on value shows that Celtic appear to mean business with this sensational swoop.

Further quotes from ex team-mates and You Tube Footage to follow.

Summer Of Shit. Polishing Numerous Turds To Find Gold.