How The League Was Won. (Completely Biased View)

Are we sitting on a comfy chair? This is going to be a long haul review. It would have been even longer if R*ngers (or the Rearangers as they are now known) had got their way. We would have been playing well into July and maybe even August.

They did try and be cheating barstewards but failed. So I have laid out a buffet (sausage rolls, pizza, canopies, Spam sandwiches, Pringles, dips and carrot sticks) and have got in some lager, wine and MD 20/20 (for the weans). So lets begin wie this title party review. It’s a bit like sitting down to watch a DVD but there is no DVD. In fact you might be better to wait for the DVD. It all started at the beginning.

July: Trip to Switzerland to compete in the Uhren Cup. Kenny Miller scored the only goal in the opening game when we beat Basel but a hefty 4-1 defeat to Young Boys (that prick Hakin Yakin again) meant the pre-season woes started early.

Back to Blighty, Andrea Capone made his debut against Peterborough and his final appearance in the next game against QPR. We score 2 victories scoring 7 goals (2-1 and 5-1) before we went to the USA where we were pumped 2-0 by the MLS All Stars and were held by a Blanco inspired Chicago Fire.

 Up to “The Toon” were we treated to a 4-1 gubbing from Walrus Sam’s bar codes then over to Celtic Park for a McGeady goal in a drab 1-0 win over Parma.

8 pre-season games, 4 wins, 3 defeats and a draw. Nae performances.

August: League flag unfurled against Kilmarnock then we failed to score. 3 away games in a row next. Falkirk were dispatched 4-1 (Naka inspired),  Paul Hartley then scored a vital away goal in a 1-1 draw on the plastic of Moscow and Massimo and Miller shagged the sheep in a coming from behind 3-1 win.

August ended with us thinking Massimo and Scott Brown were the real deal with a 5-0 drubbing of Hearts and then a penalty kick victory over Spartak Moscow (a game which was one of the best I have seen at Celtic Park) after a 1-1 draw.  Champions League here we come was the cry as we came up from behind the sofas.

6 games, 3 wins and 3 draws. 14 goals scored and 4 lost.

September: Was on a caravan holiday and annoyed some Arsenal fans when we bribed a barman to let us watch the Hoops beat St Mirren 5-1 instead of letting them watch Arsenal v Pompey. Another 5 goals were dispatched against ICT at home then came the dreaded Champions League away game against Shakhtar Donetsk.

Sure enough, game was loused after 8 minutes and we were 2-0 down. Then followed oor 2^nd defeat of the season. An Arfur Boruc inspired Hibs won 3-2 in game we didnae deserve to lose. A struggle at Dens Park then struggled with a 2-1 win against Dundee in the diddy CIS Cup. A mixed month ended with a 3-0 win against Dundee Utd at home. 

6 games, 4 wins and 2 defeats. 17 goals scored and 7 lost.

October: The start of the last minute goals. A Scott McDonald winner against AC Milan (after a Gary Caldwell rasper) that was followed by Dida getting shot by the legendary East End Of Glesga Sniper, then on the Sunday, Scott McDonald again popped up wie a last minute winner against the mighty Gretna after we were 1-0 down wie 10 mins left.

Yes, Gretna were 10 minutes away from becoming unofficial European Champions. 

 What then followed towards the end of the month was shocking. A 3-0 (deserved defeat but the 9 bookings in the game for Celtic players were undeserved) from The Huns, a 1-0 defeat from Benfica in Lisboa (when we attempted what would be known as the “Wattienaccio” 9-0-1 formation), a 3-0 victory against Motherwell at home gave us a bit of joy but then we crashed out of the diddy CIS Cup to Hearts (The Little Huns).

From beating European (but sliding) Champions Milan to getting beat of the worse Hearts team in 20 years who are owned by a man determined to turn the into FC Kanus. Fuck me.

6 games, 3 wins and 3 defeats. 7 goals scored and we lost 8.

November: The silliness begun with the SFA asking us to postpone a game so Scotland could fall out of the qualification for Euro 2008 when the better Italians came to Hampden and wandered away wie a 2-1 victory.

An away trip to Kilmarnock yielded a 2-1 victory, a 1-0 victory against Benfica, 3-0 against Aberdeen at home then another home win against Shakter Donetsk when Massimo Donati scored a 92^nd minute winner, that all but sealed qualification for the last 16 and cued up wild celebrations at CP (not seen again until April), meant it was a cracking month. But….performances were poor and the month of Celtic bearing gifts was just round the corner.

4 games, 4 victories. 8 goals scored and 2 lost. 9 scored and 2 lost.

December: Started of at Tynecastle, where it looked like we would escape wie 3 points after scoring 12 minutes from time. Gary Caldwell then decided to push a Hearts player in the box awarding them a penanlty for an undeserved draw.

It was then onto the San Siro where poaching barsteward Inzaghi scored his 100,000 Champions League 3 yard tap in to condem us to a 1-0 defeat ensuring that man hadn't landed on the moon the last time we won away from home.

Back home and an easy 3 points against St Mirren. Naw, 1-1 draw with the lesser spotted Derek Riordon scoring 5 minutes from time. Falkirk were then despatched 4-0 at home before the trip north to Inverness saw us blow a 2 goal lead in 15 minutes of madness to see us slip to a 3-2 defeat. How that could have proved costly.

Onto CP and another 1-1 draw wie Hibs and the hardest game of the month saw us beat Dundee Utd 2-0 at Tannadice. A 3-0 win against relegated and bust Gretna rounded of a month that we all thought had damaged oor 3 in a row hopes. But we didnae moan about having to play 8 games in that month, did we?

8 games, 3 wins, 3 draws and 2 lost. 14 goals scored and 7 lost.

Jan: A month that was hit by the death of Phil O'Donnell. Scottish football was in shock but the SPL decided to act like the fools they are, and would prove, time and time again, by not postponing the fixtures directly after his death.

It took an agreement between Celtic and R*ngers (yes, youse did agree) for the derby game to be postponed. This meant Celtic first action of the New Year was a 3-0 victory against Stirling Albion in the Scottish Cup. We also saw our new signing Andreas Hinkel in this game.

Another scrappy and pish 1-0 victory over Kilmarnock followed and the month ended wie a mugging of Falkirk 1-0 at The Westfield Stadium. Dick Turpin in Hoops. But football was a second thought in this month.

3 games, 3 wins. 5 scored and 0 lost. (Sounds like a decent month eh? But football wise it was pish)

Feb: Scottish Cup duty and the worst Kilmarnock team under Uncle moaning faced auld gits reign got pumped 5-1 going on 10. We saw the orange boots of Georgios Samaras for the 1st time but it wouldnae be the last time he came of the bench and scored. Up to Sheepland and Aberdeen were beaten 5-1 and Barry Robson scored with the first touch of his Celtic career. Back to CP and The Little Huns were beaten 3-0.

We were back and were shouting bring on Barcalona who were next to CP. 2-1 up at half time saw CP in celebratory mode. I mean, The Huns had played 180 mins against them and never threatened their goal (and were christened the anti-football by some bloke called Messi) and here was us giving it the big GIRUY by beating them at half time. We couldnae hang on and lost 3-2. 

After that it was of to the store where the creatures meet and after Naka "dived" (he was cute) to win a free kick 32 yards from goal, which he duly dispatched, meant that the crusade to chase the cheats out of Scottish Football gathered pace. A 1-0 at Love Street was followed by a 2-1 against Inverness at home. The dark days of Jan seemed so long ago.

6 games, 5 wins and 1 loss (against Barca, that disnny count). 18 goals scored and 6 lost.

March: Started of with a great 2-0 victory against Hibs at Easter Road, Lee Naylor scored in his only high point of his season and Samaras proved that he could be worth a punt with the 2nd. It was then off to the Camp Nou (the cauldest place I have been all season) and another on the road 1-0 defeat in Europe. The plague was ravaging London the last time we won away in Europe.

Then the shity stick we were poking the life back into oor title race broke and the shit ended up on oor new adidas.

A 1-1 draw wie Aberdeen (a Vennegor last minute strike) caused an unwanted replay in which we were promptly beaten 1-0 as Aberdeen recorded their first victory at CP for years. In between then we drew 0-0 wie Dundee Utd at home and it was becoming apparent that while the month before we were scoring for fun we now couldnae score in Lusty Lindas whore hoose wie a gold visa card. That ended when we beat the giants of Gretna 3-0 at Almondvale.

But...we had to dust oorselve doon and head to Legoland for what was being called the title decider. We played well in the first half, but went in 1-0 doon. Game over. Never looked like scoring as Walter El Cairdo Dignity recored his 4th victory against Strachan and a 4th clean sheet for Alan Sleazebag McGregor.

Plenty of gloating and title celebrations were had by the brethern hun brotherhood that night.

I found it hard to disagree wie them.

7 games, 2 victories, 2 draws and 3 lost. 6 goals scored and 4 lost.

April: Bollocks!! was the cry round CP when Motherwell came and recorded a 1-0 victory. A lot shouted for the managers head. Not me. I got pished and tried to forget that we were shit. We were 6 points behind and The Huns had 2 games in hand.

Houdini didnae fancy oor chances of wining the league. I didnae fancy oor chances of winning another game. But, to the middin that is Fir Park and a 4-1 victory against Motherwell started what shall be known as the Barry Robson inspired Houdini magic trick.

Next up was R*ngers, The Huns, Rearangers Scotland's Shame as they brought their brand of anti-football to CP. Barry Robson nailed Christen "I used to be a Tim" Dailly in the first 10 seconds and the tone was set. A Nakamura cracker saw us score oor first goal against The Huns in four attempts, The Green Brigade unfurled a banner at half time (see above) that summed up what a lot of people think of R*ngers, Nacho The Skankmonster Novo scored an undeserved equaliser before Vennegor of Hesslelink scored the winner in the 110th minute.

Remember the scenes after the Donestk game? Well, after defeating Scotland's Shame they were twice as loud and big. Believe was the buzzword.  That goal proved to be the turning point of the season.

We then dispatched Aberdeen 1-0 at home before another meeting wie Scotland's Shame. Must admit, they played as well as I have seen them play at CP for years. For a team that is made up of the sum total of dugs shite (and a few decent players) they had a formula (sponsored by Nytol) and it worked for them. Fair play you play to to your strengths but I dinny have to like it.

We scored first (hint of offside), they scored twice from corners (they widnae score from open play) and then we equalised with a deflected shot. Their was only going to be one winner in the 2nd period, this was mainly due to Scotland's Shame playing their 150th game of the season (if you read the press) as Barry Robson scored the winner from the spot (a spot kick that was outside the box and Scott McDonald dived) to at least gie us some pride back if we ended up wie nothing.

5 games, 4 wins and 1 loss. 10 goals scored and 5 lost.

May: Started of wie Timdom in mourning as the Anti-football of Scotland's Shame got to the UEFA Cup Final. Their hatrid of all things us meant that 1,000,000 travelled to Manchester to try and beat oor Seville total. The outcome and the loathing of all things R*ngers by the whole of Europe due to their tactics (Messi, Mutu both were vocal dissenters) and their behavior off the field (which unlike Barcalona was reported) meant that them getting to the final was worth it.

We then had the farce of Scotland's Shame becoming Rearangers by not asking for a league extension while begging for one behind the scenes and then getting one. This meant we had 10 days between oor 2nd last game and oor final one.

So, to the football. A 2-1 victory away to Motherwell and a 2-0 win against Hibs meant that we needed Rearangers to drop at least two more points. It happened. From being 6 points behind having playe 2 games more we were top of the league on goal difference going into the last game. Houdini was wondering how we did it? We were pointing to Barry Robson, Paul Hartley and Gary Caldwell.

Then the loss that stunned the Celtic family. Tommy Burns lost his fight wie cancer and CP was turned into mass of colour and tributes. The Celtic support mourned for a week then the thoughts turned to winning the league for Tommy.

We did. A 1-0 victory against Dundee Utd ensured it was 3 in a row.

3 games and 3 wins. 5 goals scored and 1 lost.

Overall this was the most statisfying and important league victory since 1998. From being dead and buried in April then winning the last 7 games is typical Celtic. It's a league title that will go down in oor history as summing up everything that is good about oor club.

It's the first time in 40 years we have won 3 titles in a row. This Celtic team will go down in folklore. The club once again have made heroes of men that are proud to wear the Hoops. 

Yes, we had major blips along the way. Yes, we want them sorted for next season as we go for the 4. But let's celebrate the now.

Forza