Willie McStay Forced To Go Hungry

...........Breaking News: Neil Lennon Has Left A Cone Out On A Training Pitch......More To Follow......... 

Wullie McStay jetted out to Hungry yesterday after he was forced out of the Parkhead door to ensure Neil Lennon had a role at the club.

He ended a 15 year love affair with The Hoops after being sent to manage unknowns Ujpest Dozsa  at Peter Lawwells instance after Lennon was promised a role in the new Dream Team set up of Mogga, Venus and Grant.

This promise was one of the reasons that the deal to bring Mogga home was delayed as the manager did not have a clue what Lennon does at Celtic Park.

Human Traffic

Willie McStay, who only got a game in the mid 80's as his brother Paul was in the team, was earmarked for a role masterminding the trafficking of young Hungarian players to Lennoxtown for Celtic to look at, decide that they didn't want them and set them out to fend for themselves without the relevant papers or pigeon English to survive in the cruel Glasgow East End.

He would also oversee the 'development' of players sent to Hungary after they annoyed Peter Lawwell by being a drain on resources. The chances of those players being seen again was not included in the small print of the deal.

UEFA and Human Rights Activists put a hold on that plan, which in no-way-what-so-ever will still happen via ligament loan deals or transfers or drive-by-shootings.

Hungry For Success

After leading Celtic Reserves to 9 in a row, bringing through a conveyor belt of talent that now graces The Championship, McStay knew has time was up when he was dramatically snubbed for the managers role after the shock departure of 3 title winning Gordon Strachan.

His appointment would have been backed by the rank and file Celtic support. He had the support of the premium pay-to-view websites and those that you need to sleep with a moderator to join. I'm sure someone, somewhere posted, yesterday, : "OMG. Ltng WMS go is t' bgst mstk tht SSM has mde. FYI Peter its time 2 go." as the Schools are on holidays.

"Everybody dreams, and the love I have for Celtic is no secret but after being snubbed- I was the new Pep Guardiola you know- this is a challenge that I need to take." said McStay, reading from a prepared statement, penned by Lawwell, so that UEFA don't get wind that no players will be moving between the two clubs in the future.

Other Sods

It's not only the loss of a respected coach that Celtic are reeling from this week. Legendary centre-back, Bobo Balde, has left the club and is threatening to sue over a non-payment of £200,000 he feels he is owed for not turning up for work for 3 months.

Balde needs the money to start up his photography business in Tax haven of Monaco.

Paul Hartley's Celtic career is over after last gasp midnight talks failed to come to an agreement that he was past it and he had to be forcibly removed from the room. The ever-present 1st team player leaves a 3 day growth gap in the midfield that Mogga will struggle to fill.

The striking woes continue also, with Jan Vennegoor Of Hesselink not being contactable to be offered a new deal. The prolifically injured strikers agent has published a glossy brochure highlighting his clients greatest injuries, which has been sent to all Eredivisie Clubs ending the Celtic's medical teams hope of overtime in the up-coming season.