Champions League,Window Nonsense And The Huns

"The Chaaammmmppppions.....pa, pa, pa pah!!!!!!"

Ok, the only show in town was in Monaco this week as the Champions League  draw was made in it's usual OTT stylee and we found out who would be pumping us away from home and getting a beating at Celtic Park.

The Hoops were drawn against Manchester Utd, the Champions of Europe and the 2nd time we have played them in the CL and also the second year in a row we have faced the previous years winners. I'm sure the Greater Manchester Polis will be looking forward to welcoming another team from Glesga so soon. The club reacted like this to the draw while looking disinterested and one eye on the last 16 already.

Villarreal were our foes from Pot 2. We faced them in the UEFA Vase 2004, the night Saint Martin of O'Neills team got it's first nail in it's coffin, and they were impressive last season in La Liga finishing 10 points ahead of Barca. The have a South American flavour and it's a tough, tough opening game for us. Here is a squad list and also the clubs reaction at getting drawn against Celtic Glasgow. Again they were to busy eyeing up the knockout stages to really be arsed bothering about us or the Danes.

Lady luck seemed to shine on us as we draw Scotsman, Bolton legend and Arsenal leg-end, Bruce Riochs Aalborg who put out the mighty FC Kanus in qualifying from pot 4. Karma eh? Anyway, they won the Danish title last season but have started badly this year and probably beating the mighty Kanus can be put down to luck. Lotw knows feck all about them so here's a squad list, which has a very Danish feel and LoTW ponders surely we won't be playing in a stadium that holds only 10,500?

Can we qualify for the last 16 for the 3rd year in a row? Right now, it doesn't seem likely as the away day blues seem set to continue with trips to Old Trafford and El Madrigal looking as daunting as hike up Everest. Again, we will need to win all 3 home games to have any hope and that is also a tall ask. The UEFA Vase looks the best bet and that will satisfy those who feel we need to win the thing to get it right up the huns.

The manager gives his reaction and as usual we are playing top, top sides with top, top players.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock.........

That's the sound of the Mickey Mouse Clock, goes with our Mickey Mouse League, that hangs in LoTW's Hut where this wind and pish is typed. The clock is ticking down to the close of the transfer window and the time that the 'Shitofilter' gets put back in it's box and returned to the back of the cupboard.

If we are going to be playing top, top teams we need some more top, top players.

So what's tickling the 'Shitofilter' today? James Brown is making the filter go red. Hartlepools £3m rated striker, who signed a new deal with the 'Monkey Hangers' last weekend and who is more famous for getting Jeff Stelling to do this rather than his striking ability. New contract, big bucks to move him and the chance of Strachan getting hanged on the London Road rather than a monkey means the 'Shitofilter' is at red on this one.

The 'Shitofilter' vibrates at the thought of loan deals and probably so does the SSM and Hamburg. Timothy Atouba doesn't want to leave Hamburg, Hamburg want to sell him to either Us, Newcastle or Hull City. As he hasn't had his shots to get into Newcastle or Hull, us on loan has the 'Shitofilter' at amber but with 'The Shadow Of The Chief Executive Of Bobo Balde' casting a redish glow over it.

The 3rd and most unplausable rumour is £6m rated and Real Madrid target, who hasn't scored since before Easter, Steven Fletcher leaving Hibs in a cash plus Derek Riordon deal. The 'Shitofilter' is at red as us giving Hibs a shit load of cash for a promising youngster LoTW reckons went out the window with Scott Brown.

The chances of us signing anyone are getting less and less with The Chief Executive Of Bobo Balde refusing to move to Birmingham. The bigman is acting like a bawbag this transfer window and this could be the 4th or 5th time he has agreed terms with clubs only not to sign. His hard as a brickshit house performance in the last 10mins against Boavista in 2003 is fading quicker than our last 8 of the Champions League hopes.

George Burley also named his Scotland squad this week for the double header against Macedonia. LoTW notices that he has named 6 Celtic players in the squad, which is quite handy when he is looking for scapegoats after the two upcoming defeats and no goals. Scotsman, Aiden McGeady has been named in the ROI squad where he doesn't get booed in the games he plays.

But enough of this. The Huns rollover the river, with their songs about the famine being over and us going home- don't they know there is a credit crunch? have they seen the price of tatties?-, for their first defeat of the season on Sunday.

Both teams have the same records this season, W2 D1, but with Celtic having injuries to Jan Vennegoor and Scott McDonald and a scare story regarding Shaun Maloney we go into the game with more doubts and questions than we did last weekend after our Brazil 1982 performance against Falkirk.

Last season every game was won by the team that scored first. In the 3-2 game it was the first time The Huns had lost a derby game when they had got in front since 1992. Last season the Huns won 73.6% of games they scored first in. Celtic had a decent 68.4% record. Both teams have dropped points after scoring 1st this season so far.

History shows scoring first is important in these games. If Celtic score first the 'Wattienaccio' will have to come out for a spell in the game to try and get an equaliser. If they score first, then we may struggle to breakdown a deep defensive unit as well drilled, but lacking in ability, unit.

After Kanus, the goodwill factor that swept over CP has all but gone, Though The Huns have spent and gambled like a blindman playing poker, they have got new faces and a new hope. Us? All though having a better squad, the injuries and the fact that we seem to be penny piniching in adding quality to the squad gives this game a dangerous feel.

As Celtic Stats points out we have won 5 out of the last 6 games at Celtic Park. We have scored 12 goals and lost 4 in the process. We should be able to gloat at them going out of Europe and win this game.

So the bonkers bet, that 'youwidbestupidtofollow', is Celtic 2-0 with Shaun Maloney scoring the 1st goal. See LoTW doesn't think Maloney is injured.

Forza