Would You Believe It If Arry Redknapp Told You Shaun Maloney Was Real?

They're getting kind off like those type of people who find their high school girlfriend on Facebook, see that they have done well for themselves, yes she is looking a bit rough round the edges at the moment but the big house, European trips and comfortable lifestyle means that she has moved on from that fumble in the third year. 

Your constant bitchy messages on her profile page and nude photos that you sent her are just proof that you didn't deserve her and that your sad existence, living in a drab industrial town, no chance of dining in the finest restaurants in the very near future and the closet that you are going to get to Europe is Doncaster is befitting of your attitude.

 

Barry Robson joins Skippy in the Bitter Corner. That corner where accepting the fact that they have downgraded, for a reason, is not on the agenda.

 

"There's a good chance that Aiden will leave in the summer as well because he wants to try something different so it will be completely Tony's team soon." he cried looking at his framed picture of Celtic Park and that , maybe, the fact that Aiden can actually play a bit, instead of just having a bit of 'dig' (when did having a bit of dig make you good enough to be a Celtic player anyway?) could mean that he is not for the chop.

 

He then gives us the quote of the week when he proclaimed "I think, if we are being honest, the Celtic fans will be missing him now" about the man who dragged us to the level that having a bit of dig was good enough for a starting slot.  

 

The man tasked, at least until the end of the season, to ensure we have players who have more than a bit of dig spoke of his vision, again, today. "The way I like to play, and Celtic have traditionally done, we have 3 or 4 footballers whose main attribute is entertaining, beating men, scoring goals and trying to be clever with the ball." Mogga mumbled, with a weariness off a man not really believing it.

 

"You have to get the balance to make sure you can win the ball back, because you can't have it all of the game" he pointed out while I point out that while off course you can't have it all of the game it doesn't help when you select midfielders who constantly pass the ball to the opposition.  

 

Off his management style he defends "It's not about ranting and raving, or really shouting and screaming. It's just making the players aware that responsibilities are very high, and that expectations are high."

 

I concur with this. I don't get that if your manager is not shouting and screaming then he has no passion. I feel that shouting, screaming and acting like a complete and utter twat on the sidelines can be window dressing and hiding the fact that you don't know what your doing.

 

You think that by screaming , shaking your fists and jumping up and down no-one will notice that you have told your players the sum total of fuck all.

 

It's an almost a token, 'Look at me, I care' gesture while your team is still getting over-run in the middle of the park. I would rather my manager only got animated when he had something constructive to offer the team, when he see's something that he needs to do to change the game.

 

If he sits there looking like he is waiting for a bus for 60 mins then gets out of the comfy looking bucket chairs, tells a sub what to do and calls over a few players to give instructions and we end up winning the game then he has earned his corn.

 

Anyway, not that I think Tony has done that on enough occasions this season but he gets another chance to do it tomorrow, "St Johnstone have been very competitive and they have had some great results over the last few weeks." he said of tomorrows opponents.

 

True, but they have a manager who is a Mangerine and calls Walter Nosurname "Boss" so he deserves death by a thousand paper cuts or at least  a beating by 3 or 4 goals.

 

In some team news Hooveild, Loovens, Maloney and McCourt have all done some running this week. I'll try and hide my disappointment when none feature.

 

Will we end with some Keane stuff? "Robbie's last transfer was for what, £12m? I don't think the board would loosen the purse strings to that extent." shrugged our manager in the manner of a man who couldn't give a monkeys as he won't be here and flying in the face of the rumour mill.

 

"We paid a lot of money for him" countered 'Arry Redknapp looking at the print out he got from the ATM, "So it's not something that I can see happening." he Scrooged McDucked.

 

"I certainly would not want it to be happening."

 

Remember Arry saying there was no chance Robbie would be going anywhere in the January transfer window?

 

I'm off to the bookies to put money on him staying then, along with him scoring 2 or more in a 4-1 win for the Hoops.

 

Have a good one! 

Thursday 18th March

It's A-Behr Time 

While most of us count the cost of Cheltenham Week, the SFA are looking at ways of fudging their financial responsibility to players injured on pointless international duty.

 

"We feel that we have an obligation to support him any way we can." trumpeted head honcho and full time Hun, Gordon Smith, of the proposed benefit game for John Kennedy, which may or may not take place on the 16th May and involve Celtic and the a Scottish National select.

 

Though the SFA have compensated us for wages lost, I feel that Ioan Ganea should be in the dock facing a civil lawsuit and that the SFA should be paying the costs of this lawsuit. His Romanian thug arse should be getting hung out to dry.

 

The other week, John was at a local primary School in my neck of the woods. He was there with the Scottish Cup and promoting the Active Nation Program. It was such a shame to see such a fit looking young man, blessed with a bucket full of heart, determination and a fair bit of skill being reduced to PR appearances.

 

If there was any justice in the world Ioan Ganea would be living in a cardboard box in Bucharest, eating dead rats and dog shit.

 

Talking off justice....Celtic have announced a statue to Big Jock will be erected this year. It's 25 years since the Big Man's passing and no matter the unfounded and downright scandalous campaign peddled by the lowlifes from the other end of the city who don't have anyone in their undignified history to match the Great Man, it's long overdue.

 

"He was a man of immense stature" assumed Dr John Reid in one of the few occasions that he is let out to speak and only then, he is only let out to speak in non-important situations, you know, the ones he can't make a tit of himself at as he is a right Holy Willie.

 

"The board feel it is important that Jock now takes his rightful place at the gates of Celtic Park." he beamed ignoring that their is no gates of Celtic Pak, though they are celebrated in song.

 

I hope Big Jock's statue is scary enough so that when guys who are not fit to wear the jersey turn up it frightens the shite out of them and they run back down the London Road.

 

Handy Andy Hinkel is looking forward to this weekends game against the Top Six Chasing Saintees. Most of us are looking with great interest at what the turnstile clickly, click, click count will be.

 

"I'm looking forward to getting back to Celtic Park because we can play proper football, combination football, because the pitch is better." he laughed while snorting mephedrone.

 

Proper football, combination football. It's all a myth a tell you. I'm sure tomorrow we will see the manager and others mention home comforts in the bah humbug, boooorrrrrrring press conference.

 

I was going to mention Les Ferdinands comments about Robbie Keane. But I'm all Keane'd out and the views of a helicopter owning, helicopter piloting, race car company owner, ex-bedder of 1990's hubba hubba Word presenter Dani Behr, face hit with a shovel who copied Will Smiths Fresh Prince hairstyle are frankly shit and useless.

 

He Tom Cruised about Robbie "Living the dream." Pass the sick bag.

 

Have I guffawed at Chelsea yet? GUFFAW!

 

To end. Lucky Big Eck is being offered a new contract by the mega rich owners of Birmingham City despite him playing Barry Back Pass every week. He said: "I'll get my advisors to meet with them and let them thrash it out."

 

I thought any deal that didn't contain the numbers 4 and 5 and the letter P would be a good deal for him.

 

Laters 

Wednesday 17th March

It's All Robbie 

It is media feeding frenzy. It's like a boar, which is bleeding, has been dropped into the piranha infested Amazon River. It's a circus.

Everyone wants to talk about Bob Keane. Ok, he is the biggest 'star' to grace the SPL since Craig Bellamy and, at a push, failed WWF star Thomas Gravesan but when Keanes wife becomes quote worthy we have reached breaking point.

"People may criticise his decision to go and play for Celtic but this really ticked a box for him." said model Claudine of a deal that sees the striker not lose any of his wages, which off course ensured the box was ticked.

In a desperate attempt to stave of the threat of a move to Sunderland or worse still a stay in Glasgow meaning that she would need to move, Claudine then attempted to become Robbie's agent by boasted: "Would I like to see him play for a team like LA Galaxy? Yes, I would love that." she dreamed.

"I think Robbie's arrival is a great thing" droned Morten Rasmussen. "He's a top-class player and it is always nice to play with someone who is that good," he bored further to the Celtic View via the official site. I often wonder if the Celtic PR really want people to buy the View giving out bland snippets like that.

I would buy it if Morten said: "That bastard Keane is keeping me out the team and I want to rip his head off and shove it right up Samaras arse, who, by the way, is a lazy cuntmuppet." The bit's they use to publicise it mean that I would think twice of reading it if someone left it in my works toilet.

On a role now. That fat Aussie with the large arse and the large ego has been moaning again. He really is looking back in anger and feeling ever so bitter.

“Would Robbie Keane have come through the door if I’d not left? That’s the question,” I think the money they got for me obviously helped that deal go through. It certainly made sure I was forgotten about very quickly.” he moaned while sucking a lemon.

Yes, we have forgotten about you as we are now watching a decent striker, one who takes one for the team and is not just me, me fucking me. He is also fit unlike you and doesn't have a first touch so heavy that weightwatchers refused to allow it to take part in it's classes.

Skippy's good work is being forgotten. He was great in his first season but his constant moaning, sniping and fuckwittery means that when I think of him now I just see that wee cunt with Butcher on Black Sunday.

That's enough I think. Some links to end with.

Unrating The Game: Killie

Match Report: Killie

Tuesday 16th March

Ras not dirty but O'Dea is a fighter

With the enigmatic Video Review panel getting ready to sit down at the end of the week to dish out a two match ban to Morten Rassmussen, today, or yesterday, saw the start of Operation Let's Not Ban A Good Guy.

Thomas Rogne, the Norwegian Zac Eflon, spoke about Ras: "he's a very nice good guy-a nice guy.I don't think you can say it was typical of him. He's not a dirty player at all." he pleaded giving the time honoured excuse that no team mate is that type of player.

Now, I'm not saying that Morten is not nice to cats, doesn't help old ladies over the road or call his Mother every night before bed. He may also give money to charity. But...he plays in a sport that has an element of physicality. He has came with the reputation of being 'robust' in his impressive striking play.

Being a nice guy doesn't mean that he won't react to severe provocation. Like being subjected to possible leg breaking challenge a few minutes before, which went unpunished could make us all see red. Add into that the running fued he was having with Fraser Wright who was quite clearly wanting to swap jerseys at every available opportunity.

There is a difference to being dirty and seeing red mist. Lee McCulloch is a dirty player. We have hours of footage of him being a thug on the pitch. I'm sure when/if he seriously injures someone you will get the 'he's not that type of player' line trotted out when evidence proves that to make up for lack of ability he will boot, kick, mane and injure. He is exactly that type of player.

The Video Panel may prove that Morten saw red mist. Like Thomas say's it doesn't mean he is a 'dirty player'. There is no evidence of this and there will be no substance to the witch-hunt and labelling that will happen if he is found guilty. 

We are lovers not fighters.

"Darren should not want to fight the world all the time" mumbled the weary Wearsider about the improving Darren O'Dea and inadvertently mentioned Darren's greatest moment as a Celtic player, which unfortunately for us was in a night club and not on the pitch.

"He wants to play the game at 100 miles an hour and be agressive all the time" Mowbray said, flicking through the Yellow Pages looking for anger management courses. "You can't spend 90 minutes going around kicking everyball and every centre-forward that's about."

While the rest of us wonder what is up with that and the Video Review panel take note for a later date. 

Final word for today must go to the ho-ha regarding Tam Cowan. A source was quoted as saying: "Everyone was gobsmacked at what Tam Cowan had said. No-one laughed. It wasn't even funny."

Tam Cowan. Not being funny. Where's the news in that?

Till tomorrow.       

Mondays 15th March

Every Little Helps 

So, the 'Tesco Season' continues.

The Inactive Nation Hot Balls Draw took place this morning 'live' on Murdoch vision. Not happy with giving the Forces Of Evil, approx, £320,000 in Tv Money this season from the competition, they gave them the easier passage to the final if they can find a MIB to ensure they win their replay against DuNT.

Of course, that is if Hibs beat Ross County. All those who watched the 'highlights' on Saturday night will confirm that this not a gimmie and if the fickle finger of fate had been pointing the Highlanders way then they would have been a lonesome ball in todays draw. 

There was 6 ex-Celtic players on the field at Easter Road on Saturday. The most impressive one was a surprise too. Go on, name them.

Whether Rasputin will see the confines of Hampden remains to be seen. As expected he has been called before the enigmatic SFA Review Panel after his elbow connected with Frazer Wright's cheek bone. The 'victim' wasn't long in highlighting the fact.

"He swung an elbow at me" shouted Wright at passing media types after the game. "I wasn't happy about it at the time." which begs the question what sensible person would be happy about getting an elbow in the puss after a simple game of shirt tugging?

"If he's meant to do it, it's not very nice" he countinued not empasising whether it was Rasputin or Tom Clancy- who is also up in front of the panel for his attempted leg breaking stamp on Rasputin- who was not very nice.

Not knowing when to quit he moaned "I think if it was one of us who'd done the same thing it would be picked up." while forgetting he once 'slapped' Nakamura in a game, which wasn't picked up and probably not knowingly dropping his team-mate in it.

This episode does nothing to dispel the feeling that the media peddle what goes on the Review Panel agenda. I'm sure we can all list numerous incidents, all involving those of a Hunnish nature, that the Review Panel should have been looking at.

Lafferty against ZZ and Weir on McDonald in the first derby game this season spring to mind.

Talking of short, round, Aussies Skippy has been opening his mouth and letting his belly rumble. "No disrespect, but who are they? he say's of Celtic's January signings. I for one had heard of Robbie Keane and his description of the new players was levelled when his fat arse waddled through the door along with the likes of Robson and Caldwell who he terms 'better players'.

Robson and McDonald both scored on Saturday and will still be trundling round the English 2nd Division (old money) next season but if you want to see a 'better player' in action then find the highlights of Bolton v Wigan.

It's comedy gold.

Friend of the blog, Video Celt, has done sterling work this weekend covering Emirates 7's. His previous job of being Derek Whytes Fake Bake Rep has paid healthy dividends. This caught my eye:

"The Celtic Legends will need to be on their best behaviour against the UAE side after R*ngers had Derek Ferguson and Gordon Durie sent off against the UAE for swearing at the local referee."

Have we discovered the reason why R*ngers have not won a game in Europe in 2 seasons? Pesky foreign referees?

If only we had such officals in Scotland and not ones who give non-existent penalties, that keeps them in the cup and fail to send off thugs in blue.

Every little helps, I suppose.