I went to a well known Garden Centre today and bought a xmas tree. The assistant, who was a student gettin' blow money as I'm sure that's the only herb he was interested in the bearded, long haired loon, asked me if I was putting it up myself.

Told him to behave it's going up in the living room.

Boom, Boom, Boom!

Heard the one about The Heid going to Man Yoo? If that happens then I will stick a 7ft Northern...

"The Season Of Shit" 

Happy New Year.

You woke up on New Years Day and the world was the same. Nothing changes but, somehow, when you go to sleep on Hogmanay you reckon the world will be a better place. You wake up and find that yer hut still has that bit of felt missing, you still need to cook a Steak...