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Secret Ronaldo Deals, Viruses Involved and Lassana Diarra Joins 76 Different Clubs

Thursday, 18 December 08, 03:44 PM

Hello again,
Today's news and Real Madrid director Pedro Trapote has unofficially announced that Madrid have agreed a deal for Cristiano Ronaldo, stating that the deal is "already done for the summer" but bizarrely adding about the deal:

'It's better not say anything now because there are some clauses that prevent us from announcing it. For us it would be the right time, but we shouldn't do it.'

If he wasn't meant to announce any such deal, why has he gone and told the world's tabloids?! It's like going and telling a member of PETA that you enjoy nothing more than going out and skinning bunny rabbits and then parading around in their fur and not expecting said animal rights activist to vomit in your face and subsequently avoiding you for the rest of the evening.
Foolishness to the highest degree.

Sir Alex responded by categorically denying the allegations and stating that he "wouldn't sell Madrid a virus" let alone Ronaldo, which seems an odd thing to say as I also wouldn't sell a virus to Madrid, or anyone for that matter.
I shouldn't think there is much demand for viruses these days, and anyone who is able to gain any form of currency from selling one is clearly a sales wizard whereas a three year old with absolutely no communication skills whatsoever could sell Ronaldo. Albeit, this three year old is particularly talented, but the point stands.
Meanwhile, United managed to beat A Team I've Never Heard Of From Japan 5-3 earlier today.

Sam Allardyce has been named Blackburn Wanderers Rovers manager and the question many people are wondering is; will Sam employ his successful "Kick The Other Team Off The Pitch And Hope To Get A Shambles Goal From A Long Ball/Throw-In/Set Piece" tactic which worked so well at Bolton, or his unsuccessful "Kick The Other Team Off The Pitch And Hope To Get A Shambles Goal From A Long Ball/Throw-In/Set Piece" which was shit for Newcastle?

Portsmouth's ridiculously named right back Lauren has stated he believes that the entire Portsmouth team is about to leave in January, much like the staff at Woolworths. Already the first sign of Lauren's predictions coming true are seen through the news that Lassana Diarra, a player who has a strict regime of joining another club every 3 weeks, looks set for Real Madrid.
Tristan predicts that in the next 12 months Lassana will play for all of the following:
Real Madrid
Inter Milan
Bayern Munich
Auxerre
West Ham
Tranmere
Torquay Reserves
Islington Under 11's
Every single team in the Polish 3rd Division
And finally will rejoin Portsmouth exactly a year later. For another 9 days.

Elsewhere Tottenham and Man City are involved in some UEFA Cup matches, although Tristan cares not for the UEFA Cup and refuses to do much coverage on it's matches. He'll stop referring to himself in the third person; now.

That's about all, cheers for reading,
Good Day.

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