Y'alreet?

Man City have dominated the news today, first off by declaring that they have ended their interest in wantaway Barcelona striker Samuel Eto'o. Eto'o was allegedly asking for Barca to give him much of the transfer fee they would receive for relinquishing his services, so they would effectively be paying one of their star players to leave. A canny businessman if there ever was one that Eto'o fella.

Undeterred, City have immediately turned their efforts to signing rivals Manchester United's former striker, Carlos Tevez, in a deal reported to be finalised 'within the week'. Tevez says, regarding moving to a "If I play for Manchester City I don't think the United fans will feel I am a traitor" which is possibly the most misguided state of mind since Glenn Hoddle thought 'telling disabled people that they deserve it, what harm could that do?'

John 'Mr Chelsea' Terry, one of the most highly paid players on the planet, is reportedly 'tempted' by Man City, feeling that he deserves even more money and that Chelsea lack the same ambitiousness as himself, and thus, not content at being the reason Chelsea lost the Champions League two seasons back, he feels that he must move on to the dizzying heights of a club in no European competition whatsoever next season.

Alan Shearer is said to be 'tearing his hair out in frustration' at the situation surrounding Newcastle as his transfer dealings are being hampered by owner, Mike Ashley who continues to no avail in his attempts to try and sell the club for £2.50 and some Tesco discount vouchers.

Said frustration is allegedly so high that Shearer is considering walking out of the club, something that is bound to dismay Geordie fans as Big Al did such an excellent job in helping the Toon escape relegation last season. If it weren't for him, they'd be suffering in the Championship now, having to sell their best players and make do with serial bellend Joey Barton right now! Hang about...

And finally, José Mourinho dropped a bombshell this morning, like Poirot often does when he has solved a particularly challenging mystery, when he announced that Carlo Ancelotti is not in fact Prince Charles, something which had no doubt being confusing tourists outside Buckingham Palace for weeks. Presumably.

Right that's yer lot for today,

Cheers,

Tristan.

Haven't done one of these in a while.

Last time around I made season predictions that seem have been broken and smashed in front of me, like if Santa woke up the small child he was delivering a present to, only to melt said toy infront of the child's eyes with a blowtorch;

Hull have surpassed Derby's awful record of -1215513 points and turned out to be actually quite good

Kevin Keegan left Newcastle early on and have no chance of narrowly losing out on Premiership glory. Again.

Instead the hired Joe Kinnear, a man who got more angry in one of his first press mettings than a particularly violent and angry man imprisoned in a room with the world's most irrating man, Adrian Chiles, and forced to hear tedious stories about Chiles' love for West Brom for all eternity.

Tottenham took heed of my Juande Ramos warning and sacked him before the final game of the season, but instead of hiring Glenn Hoddle and being relegated, they've hired Harry Redknapp and appear to be almost good.

Scolari's Chelsea have played some of the most exciting football since some circus acrobats formed a team and insisted on playing with lit fireworks on their boots for the duration of the game.

Man City have been bought by a man richer than the Universe itself, and Chris Tarrant, and threatened to by every player in the world just to annoy everyone, yet have somehow been crap so far and find themselves in 17th, and the rest of the footballing world sat back and laughed, until City owner Sheikh Mansour threatened to buy every pair of shoes in the world and burn them en mass.

Titus Bramble hasn' t scored 9 own goals, injured 5 team mates and got Wigan docked 38 points after clattering into an old man in the stands and paralyzes him for life. Yet.

Arsenal's squad, with an average age of 12 and a half, for the first time seem to be losing to too many crap teams for Gunners fans' liking and there has been talk of Arsene Wenger, once owner of the safest job since Tony the Tiger's position as chief Frosties icon, being sacked. This will almost certainly intensify if Wenger doesn't buy anyone in the January transfer window whilst subtley getting rid of Eboue by strapping the hapless Ivorian onto the back of a rocket to outer space, or alternatively by selling him to Scunthorpe.

Onto the weekend's events, which saw all of the 'Big Four' (Arsenal, Chelsea, Man United and Steven Gerra- sorry, Liverpool) draw to mediocre teams in what can only be described as 'The Least Exciting Edition Of Match Of The Day Ever' which could only be redeemed by Gary Lineker doing some impromtu breakdancing with Alan Hansen providing beatbox backing.

Tristan personally backs West Ham to win the FA Cup and Premiership double just because he likes Hammers manager Gianfranco Zola so much, and hasn't based his prediction on any footballing analysis whatsoever.

That's about it.

Good Day.